Drained Frequency

Last night I went out with my friend that I’m staying with in Miami and his girlfriend.

We went to this shopping plaza strip in Downtown Miami and it depressed the hell out of me.

I control my environment so much back home…

I don’t like talking to negative people, I don’t go to bars, I don’t like nightlife or really any large gathering of people.

It’s not that I’m an introvert, I don’t even really think those titles are all that useful.

Yes, I do like time to myself, but I absolutely love quality human interaction with people.

And yesterday out on this strip, I just saw some of the lowest quality of human existence.

“Oh, Nick that’s so judgemental.”

Let’s get this straight, there is a MASSIVE difference between judgment and observation.

Judgment is me making an observation about someone and then placing an inevitable punishment on them because of whatever they did.

So for example, I’m judging someone if I look at them and say “Ah they’re a total degenerate, they’re going to hell.”

However, if I look at someone and say, “They’re a degenerate.”

Am I really judging that person?

Or am I just observing and assessing who that person is?

This is just such a stupid time we live in where we don’t want to offend anyone, we don’t want to be “rude”, so we hold back our true thoughts and feelings so we look less abrasive.

I just do not give a fuck.

When I’m on that walk with my friends and see people drunk as hell, people shoveling absolute garbage into their mouths, most of them overweight, most of them looking depressed as hell…

I feel it in my gut, I feel it so deeply that this is just an absolutely disgusting environment that’s extremely low frequency.

I feel so bad for all of those people.

I see the worst side of my behaviors, my shadow self, in every single one of them.

I just want to grab some of them and shout at them, “Why do you hate yourself? Why are you treating yourself this way?”

I just wish someone did that to me when I was being an absolute moron wasting my life away.

I know you can’t save these people.

You can’t just go waking people up like that.

Some people are so stuck inside of the matrix, they’ll do everything to stay in it.

On the walk back home I was in a bad mood…

When I woke up this morning I was completely drained…

I couldn’t even write this post, I had to wait until a coffee shop opened just to be able to get enough energy to get my mind going.

I sat on my friend's balcony at 4 AM and thought about why that hour-long experience messed up my energy so badly…

Maybe it’s something with self-control and I can’t regulate my emotions well enough.

Maybe it’s that I’m just more susceptible to energy influencing my frequency.

Maybe it’s that I don’t have full control of my thoughts and they run my life.

I don’t know.

Shit, maybe all of these are a little true.

I don’t try and act like I have all the answers, I just ask questions and let the answer be, “Maybe.”

I also don’t gaslight myself for my emotions or how I’m feeling, I am in such a good almost always that when I do drop into a negative state I know something is up.

But I’m going to do what I need to do to get my mood and energy up, go hit the gym, spend some time outside, eat some good food, and spend some time in silence and solitude.

It almost never fails me.