It's Not About You

One of the best things that happened to me was being able to experience my best friend Kyree’s entire relationship.

Ok, maybe not ALL of the relationship but definitely the significant parts of it…

I was living with him when he first met up with his current fiance, Amanda…

I lived with both of them together for a short period of time during the COVID lockdowns…

I saw them both go through massive tragedy on multiple occassions…

I was able to experience their daughter from the moment she was a newborn to her first birthday a few weeks ago…

Kyree and Amanda served as older siblings for me, showing me what a healthy, fruitful, and meaningful relationship is supposed to be like.

I don’t agree with them on everything they do…

For instance, they really do enjoy watching these awful TV shows that highlight the worst aspects of humanity.

“My 1000 Pound Sisters” was one of them, which is basically just a camera crew following around two women that are maybe 3 bites away from massive cardiac arrest.

I have no idea how they can watch that and not get depressed.

Anyways, what I think has stuck with me the most was a late-night car ride with Kyree.

The both of us were in his car taking his husky, Kai, to the vet.

Kai’s behavior had become extremely sluggish, you could tell something was seriously wrong.

Kai was quite literally the best dog to ever exist, and by the way, I have two dogs myself…

I love my boys, but Kai was just so damn majestic and the best boy.

So it was really difficult for both Kyree and Amanda because they were confronted with the reality that Kai may die…

And no more than 6 months earlier, their mastiff Baloo had drowned in the pool, so I think the idea of losing another dog was weighing pretty heavy on them.

It didn’t help that Amanda had just given birth to Layla, their beautiful daughter, so the amount of stress/responsibility that was on their plate was at an all-time high, and the same goes for Amanda’s emotions.

On this car ride to figure out what was wrong with Kai, I asked Kyree, “How are you dealing with this? Can you walk me through your thoughts right now?”

“Well right now I’m focused on just driving the car and getting Kai to the vet.”

We both kind of chuckled, sometimes the obvious truth can be funny in a dark situation.

Kyree continued, “But my first priority is making sure Amanda is okay and feels like she is being emotionally supported. My second priority is making sure the baby is okay, and that Amanda feels like she’s being supported with the baby.”

“And what about you?”

He very calmly responded, “I come last, it’s not about me right now, it’s about showing up the way I know I need to show up for my family”

“Have you cried? Like is this hitting you emotionally?”

“Not really. I’m more focused on the showing up part.”

Two weeks later we were sitting in the vet again, I kept coming along because I wanted to be there for my friend during something I knew was very difficult for him.

The doctor came in and gave us the bad news.

Kai had cancer, they could put him on chemo but he would suffer a lot through that, so the only route that made sense was putting him down.

The vet walked out of the room, Kyree looked up at me and said, “Now here comes the tears.”

He picked up his phone and called Amanda, she was in the parking lot feeding the baby in the car.

He started crying while explaining to her that we needed to say goodbye to Kai.

She rushed in a few minutes later, handing me the baby carrier, and sat on Kyree’s lap while they both held each other and broke down crying.

And by the way, I want to make this very clear…

If you don’t have a dog, there’s no way you could understand what they were having to deal with.

It’s the next step down from a child, you’ve cared for this thing since birth every single day, and no matter how your day was going…

It was always happy to see you.

I do not think it’s a coincidence that God is dog backward.

Eventually, we went to a room in the back of the vet clinic and they brought in Kai so we could have our last moments.

I was crying mainly because it was really hard to watch my friends go through something this difficult when just a few months ago they lost their other dog, Baloo.

Kai layed there with us, his eyes were completely empty, and that soul I loved so dearly was weening out.

For some reason, in a scenario like this, I became hyper-aware of my surroundings.

I was occupying the baby while my friends enjoyed their last moments with Kai because if someone wasn’t looking at Layla she’d start crying.

And at that moment I saw such a beautiful dynamic.

Old life was leaving this world…

New life had just entered the world…

And the two people that were responsible for taking care of both…

Both holding each other, supporting each other emotionally.

But more than anything, at that moment, I felt such a deep sense of love, respect, and appreciation for both of them.

Because Kyree showed me how a man is supposed to support his woman in a tragic scenario, and how a man is supposed to process his emotions.

Amanda showed me how a woman is supposed to support her man in a tragic scenario.

In the moments leading up to this, your woman needs you to be her rock.

This is always the case, but it’s especially true in extremely heavy scenarios.

This planted the seeds of a core lesson I repeat to myself on the daily…

It’s not about you.

It’s about the role you need to fill for others.

And that one lesson has fundamentally changed the way I lived my life.

Thank you Kai, I miss you buddy.