Lunch With An Elder

Yesterday I got lunch with one of my favorite humans on this planet, Jesse Elder.

Jesse is a wise old mystical man that basically messes up your paradigm every time you talk to him.

He’s one of the deepest spiritual thinkers I’ve ever encountered.

My good friend Kyree was there as well, another old soul, and we probably looked like quite the circus.

A big brown man with tattoos and a big beard that looks like a bear…

A tall bald man with a smaller beard that looks like one of the original stoics…

And then young little me with no beard, all excited and happy to be with my very wise friends.

I might as well have been wearing overalls and one of those multi-color spinner hats with a big lollipop because, without a doubt, I’m the child in this dynamic.

However, I’m okay with that.

I never really like being the smartest person in the room, I always want to be the dumbest because that’s one of the fastest ways to level up.

When you’re around spiritually, emotionally, and financially more advanced people than you, they almost always call you to be more.

And that’s exactly what Jesse and Kyree did for me yesterday.

While eating some artichoke dip, the conversation started off with some talks about the globalists and what’s coming in the next 1-3 years.

Honestly, this chit-chat was kind of a bummer and Jesse acknowledged that…

“We could talk about anything Nick. Aliens, brain waves, spirituality, relationships, but we just had to talk about the changing world order.”

I grabbed the last artichoke heart, chewing it, enjoying its bold and slightly bitter taste.

“Let’s talk about relationships”

Kyree laughed pretty hard because he knew what was going on in my own personal life.

Jesse responded, “Okay, let’s talk about relationships,”

“Well, I just got broken up with and that sucked.”

I went on to explain the details, how it made me feel, and what my current thoughts were…

“What’s difficult for me is I’m trying to think about this from the frame of “It’s not about you” and trying to not be so selfish with my thoughts, but that’s really hard in this circumstance.”

“What’s selfishness, Nick?”

“Everything being about you, with no regard for others.”

“Are you aware of what Altruism is?”

Oh, goodie, a new -ism, I had heard of this one before but had not been curious enough to find out what it meant, so my response was a big fat no.

“Altruism is the practice of acting entirely selflessly.”

“Yes, that makes sense.”

“Do you believe someone can be an altruist?”

At this time our main dishes were already out, I chewed my pork chop slowly and thought about my answer.

Knowing Jesse, I knew he was setting up a pretty interesting frame, but I couldn’t see it.

I responded, “I don’t think someone can be an altruist all the time, but I think they can have actions that are altruistic in nature.”

I could tell Jesse was enjoying his steak by the head nod paired with each bite.

“Okay, would you say that human beings act out of emotion or logic?”

That one was easy, I responded right away, “Emotion for sure.”

“So you would agree that every action we take is based on how it’s going to make us feel?”

Damnit Jesse!

I hadn’t thought of that at all.

I’ve been saying this to myself for months now.

It’s not about me. It’s not about me. It’s not about me.

When the alarm goes off at 4 AM and I don’t want to get up…

I get up anyways, it’s not about me.

When I don’t want to go to the gym…

I go anyways, it’s not about me.

When I don’t want to write a post on here…

I write anyways, it’s not about me.

But already I saw what Jesse was getting at…

I do these things because of how they make me feel.

I go to the gym because it feels amazing when you’re getting a crazy pump…

I get up early because I have fantastic writing sessions early in the morning…

I write these posts every day because they serve as a form of therapy for me and because I love writing…

The consistency just feels so damn amazing.

So in a way, I’m doing all of these actions out of pure selfishness.

With this girl who recently severed ties with me…

I fell for her because of how she made me feel.

And maybe that was the problem.

I know myself, I fall in love really easily, and that’s pretty irresponsible for me to know that and then not do my best to control this habit of mine considering how early our relationship still was.

Lessons. Sometimes they need to hurt for you to get them.

Every relationship up until now, or every fling that I’ve had with a lovely little lady, has always been based on how she makes me feel.

Is that wrong?

I don’t think so.

If you make me feel awful every time I see you, chances are I probably don’t need to be around you.

Jesse gave me some advice to go home and do nothing.

Sit in a chair, don’t look at any screens, don’t read anything, don’t do a single thing, just sit there and think…

I did this for about 3.5 hours.

For 2 of those hours I was asleep taking a nap, but for the remaining 1.5 hours, I thought really hard about this entire conversation.

And because the wound was still fresh, I kept thinking about her.

I went through all the feelings.

Anger.

Sadness.

Acceptance.

But it wasn’t until this morning Jesse’s words started to make more sense to me.

I think we’re acting out of entirely selfish actions ALWAYS.

Even when we’re being “selfless” it’s because we like the feeling that being “selfless” gives us or the way it makes us view ourselves.

And how could you ever get mad at someone if they’re acting out of what they feel is best for them?

Well, because you have a different view of what’s supposed to happen, you have your selfish perspective on the way reality should go.

I feel like I’d be much better off in life by accepting that the person I’m dealing with is thinking the exact same way, and not holding it against them.

Seems to be a much more carefree way to approach life.

And I think I’d be way happier knowing that my strict habits aren’t because I need to punish myself and be hard on myself…

I do them because I love the way they make me feel.

And me saying “it’s not about me” is true in some light…

Because all of these habits are meant to help future me…

But at the same time, they also help current me.

So maybe it’s a bit more accurate to say…

It’s about me and it’s not about me?

Man, I don’t know.

This is what the after-effect of lunch with an elder looks like though.

And I love it.