Mushroom Thoughts: Women & Self Love

Mushroom tea always tastes like ass.

I did about 4 grams yesterday, and after writing up a post on here, my entire body was buzzing and vibrating in all the good ways.

I was giggling the entire time while trying to post up the article I wrote because even the most basic functions, like posting on substack, was becoming very difficult.

I went to the bathroom and started to run a nice hot bath while I turned on some super zen spa music.

While taking deep breaths I could feel a lot of tension unwinding and overall I just started to feel extremely relaxed.

I think I stared at my leg for about 10 minutes straight because it started to look like stained glass which was pretty dope.

But eventually, as I laid back in the warm bath water with steam rising from it, I let my mind wander…

“What do I want to ponder?”

Women.

I thought about really how much I love women, and how much I love female attention…

But the problem is, I love it almost too much.

When you really think about it, a beautiful female’s attention and loyalty is one of the most valuable things in the world.

If you have a man who’s worth billions but women are absolutely repulsed by him…

But then you have a man who’s got $1000 in his bank account, yet dozens of drop-dead gorgeous women absolutely adore him…

Whose life is better?

One gets to experience true love while the other experiences paid-for love.

When a beautiful woman gives me her attention…

When her hand is on my leg while we sit next to each other at dinner, when she looks into my eyes and bites her lip just a little bit after I just said something that blew her mind…

It makes me feel valuable.

But the problem is I often times have my own personal self-worth or value attached to that female attention.

And when I’m not getting it, or I’m not getting it from the woman I want, I don’t feel as valuable.

I think that’s why I chase it so much, it’s not even about the women, it’s not even about the sex, it’s just about wanting to feel valuable.

When this thought hit, I realized I was pretty hungry so I hopped out of the tub and tossed some salmon in the sink to let it defrost.

And as I’m walking back to my zen zone 5-star spa experience, I looked in the mirror.

I was so damn proud of what was staring back at me.

For the first time in my life, I actually loved what I saw in the mirror.

To give some context, here’s a photo of my transformation, the photo on the left is about 6-8 months ago, and the photo on the right was the day before yesterday.

You can look at my before photo and literally see the look of hopeless disappointment in my eyes, I did not love myself there.

But when I look in my eyes in the after picture, I see confidence, I see someone who’s extremely proud of what he’s done so far.

Now obviously, I’m not trying to act like I’m Zyzz or some sort of fitness influencer, I don’t want you to get that idea.

Staring in the mirror while the entire room was pulsating (mushrooms were kicking in pretty hard) I felt so much self-love rush through my body.

It hit me that I’m not hitting the gym 6 days a week, pushing myself hard during these workouts because I want women…

That’s just kind of a byproduct of what comes with focusing on your physique and self-care.

I’m going hard in the gym for me.

It’s so that when I look in the mirror, I can have that feeling of self-love and self-respect because it feels so much better than self-disgust and self-pity.

I just felt so much appreciation towards myself for being strong-willed enough to consistently focus on molding my body.

And it was like, “Fuck man, you keep going towards women for a sense of self-approval and self-worth, but why is their opinion more important than your opinion?”

It’s not.

My own personal self-image is without a doubt the most important part of my own life.

Because everything stems from that…

My ability to show up for others.

My ability to make an amazing income.

My ability to be consistently motivated and driven.

My ability to stay focused and consistent.

All of these things stem from my own personal self-image.

And allowing female attention to be the determining factor of what that self-image is today…

That’s such a massive mistake on my part.

It was such an eye-opening experience while I stared at myself in the mirror and felt this amazing feeling of self-love wash over my body.

After I dried up and got on a robe, I went to the couch and grabbed a pen and paper, and wrote a nice little poem I figured I would share with you which would be a good way to finish up this post…

You’re left with just you.

You’ve chased after the money and found yourself.

You’ve chased after the women and found yourself.

You’ve chased after god and found yourself

You’re left with just you.