Solitude, Stillness, Silence

I have a practice that I follow 3-4 times a week…

Right before bed, I sit in my thinking chair, and I think.

I don’t move, I just let my mind go wherever it goes…

It’s interesting because one thought leads to the next which leads to the next…

Almost like how on a computer if you have a folder within a folder within a folder within a folder…

It just keeps going and unraveling.

But yesterday I thought about something pretty interesting…

I took the 5 people who I consider my closest friends…

Who I talk to the most, and who I hang out with the most…

And the average age was 40 years old.

Close to double my age.

I don’t really have a lot of people my age that I hang out with…

Sure, I have some friends who I occasionally keep in touch with from high school.

But do I actually spend time with them?

No.

It’s always oh bro let’s get together soon, and then they never follow through on plans.

This is a double-edged sword because on one side it’s allowed me to mature and develop very rapidly because all of the people close to me have more life experience than me…

On the other side, it causes me to be alone for long stretches of time because they’ve got shit going on in their life like family and such…

Solitude is also a double-edged sword…

On one side it gives me a lot of time to think and analyze life which is what helps me write these articles…

On the other side, I do get lonely sometimes…

I guess I just don’t really prioritize having young friends to go hang out with and do things with.

And I want to be clear when I’m talking about friends I mean real friends…

Not acquaintances, I know A LOT of people.

So much so that practically every time I go out with my friend Stefan we see someone that I know and it’s our running joke that everyone knows me.

I’m surrounded by everyone, but I’m still alone.

This isn’t a “Oh poor me” kind of thing…

This is intentional.

Do I want a tribe to be a part of?

Yeah.

Do I want to be a part of a tribe full of degenerate idiots?

No.

I know what type of tribe I’d like to be a part of and truth is, I’m probably going to need to be the one who creates it.

And I’m okay with that.

I know what I’m trying to create.

And the unfortunate yet fortunate truth is to create something which is a beacon of light…

It requires solitude, stillness, and silence.

Jesus, Buddha, Allah…

Know what all three of them had in common?

Long periods of solitude, stillness, and silence.

Am I trying to become a religious icon/figure? No.

Do I want supreme understanding? Yes.

I want to be what I wish I had when I was 18 years old, which is someone to serve as the perfect beacon…

And the goal is to give that to the world.

That’s currently what I’m crafting meticulously every single day.

Truth is, when you constantly have new or different people entering your frame at all times, it doesn’t give you a whole lot of room to think…

At least at this point in my life, that’s the case, and this may be a side effect of being young.

I can see it being possible that it gets easier as I get older…

But back to the point…

I’m so focused on the creation of Nick 10.0 that I’d rather spend time by myself.

Is this selfish? Yup.

I’m filling my cups up right now…

And you can’t pour from an empty cup.

This post is in no way a complaint…

This is just an observation of something I’ve deliberately done to accelerate my timeline.

In my eyes, the creation of a beacon…

It takes time.

It’s worth the moments where you’re sometimes lonely but realize you have yourself.

It’s created through being very intentional…

Especially with the people I put myself around.

Now, again to be very clear, this is NOT an excuse to disregard having a network…

You need to know people.

I still do meet up with people, grab dinner, go to events and such…

That’s a few times a month.

The vast majority of the time, it’s just me.

And as I’ve already stated…

Knowing people and being social vs. Friends…

Two VERY different things.