Beyond Driven - Post VSL

Hey, Tim here. And if you're seeing this video you've likely already scheduled a call with either me or my team Now, the purpose of this video is to explain to you what The Inside Out Method actually is, and why I believe it is by far the easiest and most effective way to go from a frustrating marriage where your wife is constantly arguing with you and creating a ton of stress in your life… To being able to experience your marriage the way it should be… A partnership where both of you are on each other's side, able to work through the inevitable problems that pop up in a calm straightforward manner, and you’re both experiencing a deep loving intimate connection. You may think that there’s no such thing as a “process” or a “method” to fix the current state of your marriage. You’ve probably been told your whole life that years of therapy is the only solution, or that attending multiple sessions with a marriage counselor is the only way. Here’s the thing, when you listen to what I explain to you in this video you’re not going to need to see a marriage counselor that’s ultimately going to side with your wife in every single circumstance which is just going to give her more ammo to bother you with. You’re also not going to need to ever go see a therapist, who’s sitting there asking you “Why do you feel that way? Why do you think that is? Why? Why? Why?” over and over again. Dude, I don’t know about you, but I’ve been there, it’s frustrating. My five-year-old daughter asks fewer “Why?” questions than a therapist. Here’s the truth…“why” doesn’t matter. The reason you’re where you’re at with your marriage is different for every single man watching this video. And sure, we could go digging into your childhood and try and find out how some patterns which came from your trauma are showing up in your life… But let’s be real man, that’s not going to fix shit. The only two things that matter is WHAT is currently going on to cause the problems you’re experiencing, and HOW you can go about fixing those problems. All we’re focusing on in this video is the WHAT. On our call, we’ll talk more about the How, which is the specific tactics we outline inside of The Total Breakthrough Academy. And if you want to find out more about the WHY, by all means, go down the therapy rabbit hole…I’m sure they’ll help you uncover all of that stuff. This process I’m about to show you is responsible for fixing HUNDREDS of men’s marriages. And these aren’t just everyday simple dudes making $30,000 a year. Nothing against those guys, but you more than likely have different problems than they do. I work with men who are peak performers, I’m talking about business owners and guys at the top of their field in their careers. Before these men worked with me, the only successful part of their life was the amount of money they made, and in some circumstances, they also were in good shape. But every single one of these guys' marriages was an absolute and total failure. They were either on the brink of divorce, separated and “taking a break” from their wife, or questioning why they were even still married in the first place. I’ve had it happen dozens of times where guys will tell me, “Things aren’t looking too good with me and my wife.” and almost always I ask, “Has it always been not good?” to which they respond, “No, it was never like this when we first got married.” I ask that question so they can see that they’re not doomed to having a shitty marriage, and I’m sure you can relate. Your marriage was probably successful at one point, and the whole point of the Inside Out Method is to help you get back to where you used to be with your wife. It’s about rebuilding her trust and her intimacy with you, and if you get anything from this video today, the only way we do that is by changing YOU first. Not by changing the marriage, not by doing more things around the house to help out, not by bringing her flowers once a week… Nope. You. We focus on fixing you. And that’s a perfect segue to my next point… Pretty much all of the men I’ve worked with were using some vice to ignore the truth that they were in a failing marriage. Weed, alcohol, pills, porn, cheating with random women, hookers, or even sugar babies. And almost all of them were able to quit these vices entirely when they implemented the Inside Out Method in their life So before you sit there and tell me that you’re too fucked up, that your problems are much more difficult than everyone else’s, stop. You’re looking at a former heroin and pill addict. Someone who’s fucked up every single part of his life, including his first marriage. If I was able to create a loving marriage with a beautiful family and an amazing dynamic, turning my shit show of a life into something other people are now trying to model their life off of, you can do the exact same man. Just do me a favor, for the length of this video, let’s believe that there’s a reality in the near distant future where you and your wife aren’t experiencing any of the problems you’re currently going through, where both of you are saying your marriage is the best it's been in years. That’s where we’re going to get you by utilizing the Inside Out Method. In this video, I’m going to break down this entire methodology for you, and my goal is that what I’m about to share with you will help catch you up to speed for our upcoming call and also, it’ll give you a clear understanding of how this method can work for you. With that being said, let’s dive in… (Transition) Okay, so the Inside Out Method is built on the foundation of one core idea, and that idea is Responding Vs. Reacting. Look, there is a very big difference between responding and reacting, and the main issue that most men are experiencing inside their marriage is that they’re reacting to everything that's happening. Seriously, after working with hundreds of men, I can tell you that this is the cause of almost every single problem you're experiencing in your marriage. We can point the finger and blame our wife and say she's doing this, or this happened and she didn't need to talk to me that way, but the truth is that if we were in more control of ourselves, our thoughts, our words, our actions…we could have better handled whatever situation occurred. You’ve probably heard of the stoics like Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and Seneca. All of these guys were talking about how to be able to control ourselves and our thoughts so we could live a better, more peaceful, and more productive life. There are so many things that can happen in our life that we don't have control over, the only thing you do have control over is how you choose to deal with the situation. But most men are just unconsciously wandering from problem to problem reacting and blurting out the first thing that comes to mind, and letting their emotions get the best of them. One of the main things you have no control over is your wife's emotions or her feelings toward something you did. You can try and have control over that by yelling and being a tyrant and trying to control her, but overall we know that's just going to create resentment on her part, and more than likely it’s going to end up with her cheating on you because she's not having her emotional needs met with you. So we don't have control over how our wife feels about a certain situation but we do have control over how we end up responding inside of that scenario. And here’s the key point, the only way that you're able to shift from reacting to responding is by realizing that this applies to all areas of our life, not just the dynamic with our wife. Most people take a reactive attitude to everything that's happening in their life. The second they get an impulse or a craving, they immediately react and satisfy that urge. Someone cuts them off in traffic, and they immediately blow up and start cussing that person out. Someone says something they don’t like, and they immediately say something back. They think a negative thought and all of a sudden their emotions go crazy and they go to some vice to try and suppress that negative thought. I don't want to get all woo-woo and spiritual on you but you have to understand that these thoughts are not you. Thoughts are a lot like suggestions on how you can live your life and you can choose whether you accept them or not. It's almost like at your house…when someone knocks on the door, you have a choice whether you want to let them in or not. Your thoughts are no different than those people coming to your door. What we need to be able to do is screen these thoughts and ask ourselves, “Does this have a place in my life?” Most guys, and most people in general, don't even pause to screen their thoughts. They let everyone who knocks on their door into their “house”, never stopping to think about what consequences come with letting them in. So when our wife brings us some issue or says something we don’t want to hear right now…if we want to be able to pause and give her a response, not a reaction, but a response, we have to first start with being able to do this with ourselves and our own thoughts before we bring this behavior into our marriage. Trust me, if you can’t do this with your own thoughts, with your own internal issues, you sure as hell aren’t going to be able to do it with a charged-up emotional woman. But like I said, most guys never really take time to screen their thoughts or their emotions at all. This is because your whole existence has been based on this go-go-go get shit done and make it happen mentality. Especially inside your business or your career. Emotions? Feelings? Shut up pussy, go provide for your family, and bottle that shit up until you’re having heart issues from your stress at 50. That’s the society we live in. The Inside Out Method is all about getting extremely clear on the internal conversation, the 24/7 dialogue that's going on inside of our head, and seeing where we personally, in our own dialogue, are reacting instead of responding. Chances are you don’t even know where you’re reacting because you haven't made the conscious decision to slow down and observe your thoughts and question them. Case and point, when was the last time that you sat down in a chair for 30 minutes without your phone or any external entertainment? You just sat there and observed your thoughts for 30 minutes straight. When was the last time you did that? If you're like most men I know, the answer is never. So what we do inside of the Total Breakthrough Academy is give you tools and resources to help you start to be more conscious of where you’re reacting with your own internal conversation. Don’t worry too much about the specifics of how we do this, we make it super simple for you with step-by-step guides, pre-recorded trainings, and even live weekly trainings. All you need to understand at this point is that we give you what you need to start the process of being able to focus on responding instead of reacting with your own thoughts. And what you'll start to see is that when we apply this conscious observation of our thoughts, and when we make a focused effort on starting to respond in a proactive way to our thoughts instead of reacting to them, this responding behavior starts to bleed into all areas of our life… And as a result, your relationship with your wife is going to improve tenfold because you’ll be able to actually respond to what she’s saying, instead of reacting. So what does that look like? For instance, let’s say your wife is complaining about you being late for dinner, and she doesn’t know yet that you just had an extremely stressful day, and you’re absolutely drained mentally and emotionally. Her tone and attitude toward you are really starting to upset you. If you react, you’re just going to blow up in her face and make the situation 10X worse. But if we make the decision to respond, and take a moment to pause and recognize that we’re starting to get frustrated… That our eyebrows are lowered, our shoulders are tensing up, we can physically feel ourselves getting frustrated. And from there we ask ourselves, “What is actually causing me to feel frustrated right now?” You think to yourself, “She doesn’t know that I had a really difficult day, and I was really looking forward to unwinding and relaxing with her but she’s not providing that, she’s just adding another issue onto my day.” You then ask yourself, “Why is she causing this issue? Why is she upset?” From there you think, “I did say I was going to be home by 6 PM and I’m 2 hours late. So I’m for sure in the wrong here, I could’ve let her know I’d be working late, but I don’t want her talking to me like that.” And that allows you to properly respond by saying, “Honey, I understand you’re upset that I’m late for dinner. I had a very difficult day which had me putting out fires a little later than usual. I told you I’d be home by 6 PM and I should’ve communicated with you that I’d be home a bit later. I understand that’s frustrating to you, and I’m more than willing to talk about this and how we can prevent this from happening in the future, but I would appreciate it if you didn’t raise your voice at me like that and we talked to each other normally.” That’s the type of communication that’s possible for you when you utilize the frameworks and methodologies we teach inside of The Total Breakthrough Academy. Trust me, the hardest part of this entire process is not knowing what to say, that’s easy. Conflict resolution and clear communication skills are something I can teach you in a day or two. The most difficult part is pausing and making that conscious decision to not react to what your wife is saying to you. Because I can give you all of the tools and resources that I’ve spent over a decade collecting, but if you don’t have the impulse control to first STOP, and then tell your ego to shut up and not allow your need to be right to control the situation, you won’t be able to properly resolve the issue. It sounds simple, and it is, but don’t let the simplicity fool you, because it takes time to become a conscious observer of your emotions and communicate what’s going on rather than just bottling those emotions up until you explode on someone. When we ask the right questions to ourselves it leads to us being able to effectively communicate to the other party what our needs are in the scenario and how we feel about what's going on… This allows us to clearly and calmly suggest a resolution for the conflict. THAT is effective communication. Ineffective communication comes from you letting your emotions control your response and getting angry at the other party involved, and in the example I just explained to you, that would be shouting at your wife, saying shit like “Do you know how hard my day was?! How do you think we’re able to live in such a nice house?! All you do is complain, but you don’t complain when you’re running up my credit card with your friends at dinner!” See what I mean? We’ve all been there before. Do you think the situation is going to get any better when you blow up on your wife like that? Of course not. When you don't take the time to slow down and tell your ego to get in the back seat so you can ask yourself the right questions… Being able to do that is pretty easy when it comes to people you don’t really know or care about… Like it’s pretty easy for you to not blow up on the gas station clerk that’s acting like an asshole to you. However, when we’re dealing with someone that we care deeply about, we have a charged-up emotional connection with that person, so when they’re acting difficult with us, it charges us up even more. But when you’re not able to control those emotions what you're really communicating to your wife is that you don't care about her experience, you only care about your experience, and that’s about one of the most selfish things you can do in this world. Now you may be thinking, “But isn’t that what she’s doing in that scenario?” And the answer is yes, but you have to understand that your partner is a mirror for you. She’s being selfish because YOU’RE being selfish. And some of you may be thinking to yourself, “Selfish? I give my wife everything, she doesn’t have to do anything, how can I be selfish?” Brother, I’m telling you right now that the material things that you’ve been able to provide are a huge accomplishment. It’s impressive, no one is trying to say all of the hard work you put in to get to where you’re at is irrelevant. Not at all. What I’m trying to communicate to you is that what got you to where you’re at, is not going to get you to where you want to be. And make no mistake, being selfish, only focusing on you, what you need, how you feel, and your own problems…that can make you a shit ton of money. Some of the most wealthy guys I know are extremely selfish. But their marriages are also an absolute shit show. So for this next season of your life, you have a choice…either you can continue with this reactive selfish attitude and continue to have a lot of business success and continue to make a lot of money and continue to buy all the stuff that you want, and ultimately, increase the chances of your wife leaving you. Or you can make a decision to stop being a selfish dickhead and take other people’s experiences, emotions, feelings, and perspectives into account. And if you want to be able to create a marriage that’s actually enjoyable, that’s the decision you have to make. Reacting is one the most selfish things you can do, responding is one of the most selfless things you can do. (Transition) Alright so that was a lot, and I know right now you may be thinking… “Okay, this makes sense. I need to stop reacting. I need to start responding more. But how do I do that?” Like I said at the beginning of this video, all I wanted to talk about with you today is the WHAT. Specifically, WHAT is the problem and WHAT does it look like when we can utilize this Inside Out Method, and that’s what you were able to see today. On the call you scheduled we’re going to focus entirely on HOW you actually can go about implementing this into your life, and if you’d like some help with implementing it, we’ll talk more about how The Total Breakthrough Academy can help. When we start to focus on implementing the Inside Out Method on YOU first, you're going to notice yourself showing up as a calmer, more present, more grounded version of yourself that’s able to have effective communication with others. And I want to make this very clear, I’m not saying you need to show up like a kiss ass. You do need to be assertive and sometimes what people are asking for is completely absurd, you don’t have to be a “Yes Man” All we’re talking about is clear, calm, and clear communication so we can navigate the rocky roads of relationship in a way that reduces the amount of conflict we experience and deepens the connection we have with that person. I promise you, when you show up like this, everyone is going to notice it, your wife included. You're going to start to see her complaining less, and you're going to see her start to actually show up in the way that you want her to show up, because you’re providing that for her as well. If you want to be able to experience better relationships, not only with your wife, but with everyone in your world, it starts with you brother, and being able to have a better relationship with yourself. Dude, you’re a successful, smart individual, and chances are you're incredibly hard on yourself…but the caveat is that’s why you're where you're at right now in life. Your speed, your tenacity, your mindset, that’s what got you to where you're at but you have to understand my friend, you are a rare individual. Not everyone can think the way you do, not everyone can handle your level of intensity in this world. You have to become understanding of other people and be able to slow down and respond to them. You need to be able to really understand “what do they need from me right now?” instead of just immediately jumping to conclusions and powering through every single situation like you’ve powered through almost all the obstacles you've ever experienced in your business or your career. This is how we create powerful relationships with everyone in the world, not just our wives. We focus on what they need and being able to clearly and effectively communicate with them. I hope this all makes sense to you, and I'm hoping you can see some of the circumstances in the past where if you had responded instead of reacting, the issue that occurred would’ve never happened. When I started to think this way, everything inside of my life changed. Like I said earlier, I don't have a pretty past…it was ugly, it was dark, and it was messed up. I was hurting myself every single day, and I was hurting everyone around me. Being selfish, and reacting all the time, is what caused my first divorce, and it was the reason behind almost every single problem I had in my life. It all revolved around the internal conversation I was having and not being able to stop, pause, and actually respond to my thoughts and respond to external stimuli. The way I was able to shift everything, and how all the hundreds of men that we’ve worked with have been able to shift everything is by doing exactly what I laid out for you in this video and by following the frameworks and tactics we’ll explain to you on our call together. Again brother, don’t let the simplicity fool you. This is simple, but it’s not easy. This is a lot like I'm giving you a piece of clay and I'm slapping it down in front of you and saying I want you to make a vase. You're not just going to make a vase by spinning the clay one time. You're going to have to spin it multiple times to create that vase. And for you to be able to be a less reactive man, you're going to have to have to use these tactics and frameworks we’ll explain to you on our call hundreds of times before it becomes an actual habit for you. So if you're not actually willing to do the work, if you're not actually willing to do what you need to do to solve these problems in your life, if you just want to take the easy route, if you just want to continue to experience the bullshit that you're experiencing, then, by all means, go ahead and cancel your call because we can’t help you. But if you’re ready to put in the work, if you’re ready to do what's necessary to patch up the relationship with your wife, and to become a calmer, less reactive version of yourself that can effectively communicate with the people in your life, and truly show up in a king-like manner, if you’re ready to do that and put the self-sabotaging selfish bullshit in the past, then let’s do this man. On our call together you’re going to feel a level of certainty and clarity that you probably haven’t experienced in years, and our goal is to use that as the catalyst for the change you’ve been looking for. And a few months from now, you and your wife are both saying that your marriage is the best its ever been. Imagine what it’s going to be like when you can go about your day to day life knowing that you can resolve pretty much any conflict without letting your emotions get the best of you… With your employees or coworkers… With your family… And with the infinite amount of difficult people in this world… Right now, they have control over your emotions. But when you start to implement what we talk about inside of The Total Breakthrough Academy, you’re going to be in control. And isn’t that what you’ve been looking for this whole time? Control? Well, the Inside Out Method is what gives you control, it’s what puts you in the driver seat because you’re able to control your response to whatever situation pops up. Trust me, there’s going to be a moment when some conflict is going to appear in your life… And you’re going to watch yourself, almost from the third person, resolve that situation like a professional. Trust me, that’s going to be an extremely powerful experience for you. Brother, this isn’t just about relationships, it’s about becoming the leader you need to be so you can reach your full potential for your life. This life is not just about money. It’s about people. It’s about connections. It’s about relationships. And a few months from now, when you’re noticing how much better everyone around you treats you… When you’re feeling like you’re actually in control of your reality… You’re going to realize that all of that came from your decision to book that call with us. So we’re looking forward to seeing you on your call. All the best, talk soon.