Beyond Driven VSL Script
Let me guess…
You got a successful business or maybe you’ve got a high-paying career…
You’ve created a nice little paradise for you and your family…
Nice home…
Nice lifestyle…
You provide for your family and you pay the bills…
From the outside looking in, you’re a total success.
But let’s be honest, you’re struggling to make your marriage work.
And you’re running into certain habits and behaviors to ignore the fact that it’s falling apart…
Drinking too much…
Smoking weed to take the edge off…
Doing drugs just to numb yourself…
Watching porn…
Cheating on your significant other…
I don’t know what that vice is for you, it could be all of those, it could be one of them…
Truth is, I don’t know anything about you…
I don’t know where you’re from…
What your life has looked like up until now…
How you got to this video…
But what I do know, is that your entire life up until this point has required you to step into a new version of yourself over and over again…
And I’m here to tell you that if you want to fix your marriage before it’s too late…
Before your wife tells you…
"I want to separate"
"I need some space to figure things out"
"I want a divorce"
"I can't do this anymore"
"I cheated on you"
"I love you but I’m not love with you"
Which is what my first wife told me before I understood everything I’m about to give you in this video.
If you want to prevent that from happening, once again, you need to step into a new version of yourself.
And if she’s already told you something like that, It’s not too late man…
You can fix this, but again, you need to change the way you’re showing up.
And let me guess, you’re trying to do that in some capacity…
But every effort you make to fix the situation goes completely unnoticed.
It seems like your wife just wants to point out everything you’re doing wrong.
She doesn’t want to appreciate the fact that you’re providing for her and your kids…
She doesn’t want to acknowledge how hard you work to create this lifestyle for her…
She doesn’t want to notice anything.
And because of that you don’t feel valued or respected as a man.
It’s probably causing back-and-forth pointless arguments…
And as a result, your marriage feels more like a contractual obligation than a passionate and intimate bond between two people.
There’s ONE very specific reason these issues are happening that I’d like to reveal to you…
And what I’d like to do is share a system with you that has worked for hundreds of men in the same position as you to help create a transformation…
I’m talking about a new version of you who’s not experiencing any problems at home.
Your intimacy and spark with your wife could be stronger than ever before…
The arguments and tension could fade away entirely…
The trust your wife once had with you could be restored in full…
The bond and connection with your kids could be the best you’ve ever experienced…
All of that COULD happen if you listen to what I’m going to share with you in this video.
None of this is conventional basic information…
It basically goes against and spits in the face of every counselor or therapist out there trying to tell you how to fix your marriage.
And if you just listen to what I have to say, I promise you that you’ll never have to go see a marriage counselor or therapist.
So there’s a decision in front of you right now…
You could easily say fuck this guy…
I don’t need someone telling me how to fix my life, I’ve got this figured out…
And you exit out of this video and go right back to your life.
You could totally do that, and I understand why you would do that…
When I was in your position, I would do the exact same thing to everyone trying to help me.
But from my own personal experience…
And from the hundreds of guys I’ve helped…
I’ve been able to pick up on patterns across men's lives…
And I need you to hear me right now brother, if you ignore the message I’m giving you today…
The situation is just going to keep going and going and getting worse and worse…
Until it’s too late.
If you want to fix your marriage, it’s okay to accept that you need help.
It doesn’t make you any less of a man because you need help…
If anything, that’s what makes you a real man…
Owning your shit, knowing you can be better, and actually doing the work to make that change in your life.
That’s a real man.
It’s a fake man who lies to himself and says he’s got this, and just continues to hurt everyone around him including himself.
So if you want to be a real man…a better man…the version of you that’s solved the problems you’re experiencing…
Stick with me for the rest of this video…
I’m going to share with you the methodology I’ve developed over 10 years and through 20,000 hours of clinical experience…
It’s helped tens of thousands of men solve the same problems you’re going through…
But before I could help all of those other people…
I had to help myself, so let me introduce myself real quick.
My name is Tim Arrigo…
And for a very long time, I was a liar and a fraud.
Who I presented myself as to the world, was not who I really was.
I was living two lives, the Tim everyone wanted me to be…
And then who I really was.
I had my vices, I made my mistakes, and I had my fuck ups.
But I couldn’t be honest with anyone because then they would just say…
“You need to see a therapist”
“You need a counselor”
“You need to go to rehab”
“You need help”
I tried all of that shit, and none of it worked for me…
Just having someone sit there and nod, take notes on what I was saying, and then ask how I felt did nothing for me…
I would just manipulate the therapist and tell them everything they needed to hear so we could end the session as fast as possible.
And if you’ve ever been to therapy, I’m sure you can relate.
I couldn’t tell them how I really felt because I had convinced myself that any sign of emotion was just a form of weakness…
And that I can’t show my emotions to anyone or they’ll try and take advantage of me.
So I just lied to everyone about how I was really feeling…
I never communicated what was really going on, I just bottled everything up and kept it to myself…
And that served me in my career because it allowed me to get results and push through…
But it was at the cost of everyone around me.
I was closed off to everyone in my life.
I really couldn’t let anyone love me.
I was completely emotionally unavailable even to the people I loved the most…
But that’s not who I was.
I was a caring, empathetic, and compassionate person.
I just didn’t know how to show that to the people around me…
As a result, my first marriage ended in divorce…
I always had this “fix-it myself” mentality which is what lead me to start studying Cognitive Behavioral Therapy methods myself in 2012…
And being the obsessive person that I was, I logged about 20,000 hours of clinical practice over a ten-year period helping married men NOT end up in the situation I found myself in…
And I saw a common pattern amongst most of those men that revealed one of my biggest problems…
You have to act like this cold version of yourself out in the world and in the workplace, but how are you going to come home into an environment and try to behave and act the same way?
This closed-off hard-headed forceful version of you maybe helps you survive in the work environment…
But dude, that's not going to work in a relationship or with your family.
It's like a round peg through a square hole, because these environments require a lot more from you emotionally.
Emotions don’t really have a place in a business or in the workplace…
When you have employees depending on you…
When you’re the leader…
When everyone is looking up to you or depending on you…
You can’t show any signs of weakness because then the entire team or company is going to start to panic.
You have to ignore everything you’re feeling and push through whatever obstacle you’re experiencing.
But here’s the thing man…
You can’t push through the problems in your marriage.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s your wife being upset about the dishes…
Or whether it’s an argument over something you said at dinner…
Whatever the problem is, you have to realize that the “push through” mindset which helps you succeed in business is NOT going to work with your wife.
If anything, it’s just going to cause her to completely disconnect from you, and that’s why you’re experiencing issues in the first place.
If you take anything away from this video, here’s what it should be…
Whenever an argument breaks out…
Whenever she starts bickering or complaining…
Whenever tension starts to build…
You need to downshift.
Just like in a car, where you shift the gears down to slow down…
You need to do the same when you’re trying to solve a problem with your wife.
You need to slow down and ask yourself…
Am I trying to resolve this situation or am I trying to be right?
And if you want to be right, just keep doing what you’re doing now and let me know how that works out for you.
We have to remove the ego from the conversation which causes this.
And if you want to resolve the situation, slowing down allows you to process what she’s really saying and it allows you to RESPOND instead of REACT.
Responding means we’re being deliberate in what we choose to say…
Reacting means we’re blurting out the first thing that comes to mind, which usually is going to cause us to say something we regret.
When we choose to respond to what our wife is telling us, we have the control we’re looking for.
See what I mean?
Control doesn’t come from you being a tyrant and yelling at your wife forcing her to do what you want.
Control comes from realizing…
“I can control what I say, and can use my communication skills to solve this problem.”
But that’s the problem most guys run into…
They don’t really have all that great of communication skills when it comes to their marriage.
Because the communication skills you need in business and the workplace are completely different than the ones you need with your wife.
And chances are if you’re like me, you didn’t have a dad that showed you how to properly express your emotions in an assertive and empathetic way.
I was taught that being a man meant you were supposed to bottle up what you felt, act tough, and not let stuff affect you, just be strong, and don’t let anyone in.
Where does being able to communicate how I’m feeling in a calm rational way fit into that equation?
It doesn’t.
So look man, it’s not your fault that you’re not able to communicate with your wife…
Women are different than men, we can all agree on that.
But it is your responsibility to fix this.
And it starts with simply slowing down…
Not needing to react…
Taking a moment to collect your thoughts…
And removing your ego from the situation…
Now, what do you say after that?
Well, that’s the question I’ve spent the past decade trying to answer.
And that’s what lead me to creating the Inside Out Method…
This is a systematic approach to conflict resolution and communication that first focuses on solving your own problems…
Before we go and try to solve the problems in your marriage.
Because how can we fix anything outside of you if we don’t fix you first?
If we want to fix our marriage and bring back our wife’s intimacy so you don’t need to go anywhere else for attention and love…
If we want to show our kids what a healthy relationship looks like so they don’t grow up with an intense amount of trauma to carry around…
If we want to stop lying to ourselves and to the world so we can live life without the feeling of being a fraud…
We have to fix your internal world first.
Your inner conversation. Your self-image. Your triggers. Your emotions. Your world view.
You need to understand all of these if you want to be able to actually pause when a conflict inevitably appears and shift from reacting to responding.
We’re changing the man who shows up to the conversation FIRST…
Because ignoring your internal world and focusing entirely on the external is no different than building a house and not setting the foundation…
The second a storm hits, you’re fucked.
You’re going to blow up and lash out at your wife…
And the worst version of you is going to come out.
The Inside Out Method has worked wonders for hundreds of men…
They’ve gone from short-fused versions of themself who would get sucked into these reactive episodes with the people around them almost like someone was opening a plane door…
To now becoming this stoic version of themselves that doesn’t let the external world change how they act.
This methodology helps you reprogram yourself to become a man who’s more in control of his actions in this world.
And I’ve seen it work wonders for hundreds of men and their families…
INSERT TESTIMONIALS
And now, I’d like to help it work wonders in your life.
That’s why I started The Total Breakthrough Academy which helps men implement The Inside Out Method into their own life.
This isn’t just about your marriage…
Although that is our first focus…
This is about becoming a better communicator and someone who’s more in control of their thoughts, feelings, actions, and the words they say.
Think about how that would affect all areas of your life…
Your business or career…
Your relationship with your kids…
Your ability to network and meet new people…
All of these things improve when you improve.
This isn’t like a therapy program where you’re just going to talk about how you feel while someone nods and takes notes…
This is a program where you talk about how you feel and what’s going on, get feedback, and are told how to fix the problem.
Yes, unlike traditional therapy, I’m going to tell you to do this, say this, and boom the problem will be solved.
My goal is that eventually, this style of conflict resolution will start to become an ingrained habit for you.
The reason I created this program was that I was sick and tired of how long it would take for men to see a breakthrough with traditional therapy…
Remember, I have just as much, if not more, clinical experience as a traditional therapist.
It was bullshit to see that it would take several months even years for these married men to understand why they were experiencing their problems.
And there were almost never any solutions being given to these men, which just made the problem worse.
Because these guys would understand their problem, but they wouldn’t know how to fix it…
And because they were just focusing on the problem, it would get worse and worse…
Unfortunately, most of the time it would be too late before they found a solution.
That’s why I focus on a streamlined 90-day approach…
For the first 30 days, we’re helping you identify the internal issues you’re having that are causing your external problems…
We’re giving you resources, frameworks, and tasks that actually help you become a better communicator and show up as the best version of you.
After that, the next 30 days are focused on helping you get laser-focused on the execution of who you need to become to fix all of the problems you’re experiencing.
This is where the rubber meets the road and we start to implement everything you’ve been learning about conflict resolution and communication skills.
And the final 30 days are all about helping fine-tune and tweak everything internally to help this new version of you that we’ve designed show up in the real world.
This is a custom-tailored coach-guided program…
Each member of Total Breakthrough Academy is assigned a personal coach who finds out where you’re struggling and then points you in the direction of which recorded curriculum to absorb and what tasks to complete.
And while the program curriculum provides new paradigms and insights for you to take into your day-to-day life, most of the work is done through our group calls…
This is where you get the support you need from me and the men in the program to help you create lasting change in your life.
And help you implement what you’ve absorbed through the curriculum into your day-to-day life.
This program is designed to help solve the problem internally…
So you can then go and solve the external problems…
And here’s the thing brother, this is what actually gets you what you’re looking for…
Because just focusing on the external solutions will cause the same problems to keep popping up over and over again…
How can the problems ever go away if you don’t change as a person?
So look, I’d like to invite you to join us in this program but truth be told this isn’t for everyone…
Unlike a lot of programs, groups, or therapists out there, I don’t work with everyone because I can’t help everyone.
I only want to work with guys that I know will be able to see a total transformation in themselves, their family’s life, and their overall day-to-day life…
So I’d like to invite you to fill out an application to hop on a free breakthrough call so we can see if it’s a good fit to join The Total Breakthrough Academy.
Assuming you are a good fit, and that we can help you with what you’re going through right now…
I’d love to extend an offer for you to join.
Brother, right now there are a few paths in front of you…
You totally could ignore everything I’ve said in this video and be reminded of it the next time you and your wife get into a fight…
You could try and figure everything out on your own, which I don’t doubt you could do, I’m just saying it took me 10 years…
Oer…
If you’re ready to get rid of those behaviors that you know aren’t serving you…
If you’re ready to stop causing internal and external harm to the people around you…
If you’re ready to be able to get control over your emotions so you can get control over all the other areas of your life…
You could click the button below…
Fill out an application…
And I’ll hopefully see you on a call.
Alright, all the best, hope to talk to you soon.
PARKING LOT
Because our fathers didn’t give us the instruction manual to living life as an emotionally developed man…
We look for information on how to fix it.
We read books and online content
We find podcasts.
We watch videos.
We talk to friends.
We go to church.
We go to the gym.
We go to therapy or counseling.
We buy programs.
We join groups.
But this is exactly what keeps you stuck where you’re at.
It’s not to say any of these solutions are wrong…
The problem is that they focus on fixing the external.
And when we focus on external solutions…
They tell you what to do…
“Be kinder.”
“Be more considerate.”
“Pray to god.”
“Work out.”
“Communicate.”
“Apologize.”
But none of these things focus on you…
They just focus on what you’re doing…
So you and your thoughts stay the same…
But what you’re doing changes…
And you end up experiencing something called Cognitive Disonance.
Simply put this is when our internal world and our external world are completely unaligned.
And remember that inner voice I mentioned earlier, the one that keeps criticizing everything you do?
This is where it comes from.
In order to break out of this cognitive dissonance, you have to start asking yourself…
WHY am I doing this…
WHY am I reacting this way…
What event from my past is surfacing right now to make me feel so emotionally charged?
You have to be able and willing to process what’s happening to you…
And not just shove it down with the rest of your emotions and suppress it with some external action.
And look man, I could go on and on with my story…
I can tell you how I messed my life up for days on end…
I can tell you all about my childhood and how traumatic it was…
I can tell you everything…
But I’m going to guess that you don’t really care about hearing my full story…
You just want to find out, how the hell do I take control of my internal world?
Because if you can do that…
It’s going to fix every single part of your life that’s not lined up with how you want things to be…
If we can control how we feel…
We can control what we think…
Then we can control what we do…
And that’s what changes our life.
And that’s exactly what I’d like to show you over the next few minutes.
I want to help you understand how to get control over your emotions so you can stop reacting to everything…
And instead, decide to respond.
Because reacting and responding are very VERY different…
And the only way to move from reacting to responding is by being able to regulate your emotions.
So how do you do this?
Well, let’s start with this…
For most guys, their life is like a car where all of the warning lights are flashing at them…
But they don’t know how to fix it.
They know something is wrong with their marriage, but they don’t know how to fix it.
They know something is wrong with their relationship to their kids, but they don’t know how to fix it.
They know something is wrong with the way they’re showing up in this world, but they don’t know how to fix it.
They need to show up more emotionally in-tact but they don’t know how to do that…
Their dad didn’t show them how to do that…
My dad certainly didn’t…
He was from New York in the 1950s, he fought in the Vietnam war, he was abused like crazy as a kid…
And as a result, he was a hardened shell.
He had zero clue how to communicate what he was feeling.
And this is such a common situation for most men in the modern world…