Carnivore Aurelius Newsletter (Dec 19)

Email 1 - Tuesday Subject Line: liver creates second wind? Preview Line: this ones for all my gym rats Fellow Exercise Enthusiast, Want to know what helps boost your endurance levels? You guessed it… LIVER! There’s this study from 1951 that looked at the effects of different diets on the endurance of rodents… The researchers divided the rodents into three groups: * one was given a basic diet with 11 vitamins * one was given the same diet with additional vitamin B complex * one was given the same diet with 10% of rations as powdered liver instead of B vitamins Then, they put all the rodents in a drum of cold water and made them swim until they were too tired to go on. (Relax, they didn’t let the little rodents drown.) The first group swam for 13.3 minutes. The second group swam for 13.4 minutes. but get this - the third group, which was given the diet with powdered liver, swam for between one and TWO HOURS. If you want to go more rounds in the ring… If you want to run more miles on the road… If you want to lift more weights in the gym… If you want to last longer in bed… (that’s a workout too, ya know.) Beef liver is the superfood for you, and guess who’s back in stock next week? You read that right, It’s been a hot minute but we’re seeing all green lights, my friend. I do not have an exact day just yet, but it’s for sure going to be next week. Keep an eye out for an email from your favorite meat-eating liver-loving marble sculpture ;) Moo, Carnivore Aurelius Email 2 - Wednesday Subject Line: The legends hate veggies Preview Line: you should follow in their footsteps Fellow Extremely Smart Individual, Michael Jordan ate a steak before every game Wayne Gretzky ate a 23 oz steak before every game Messi brought 6000lbs of meat to the world cup And you want to eat vegetables? Let’s take a look at Steak, the reigning champ of nutrition, compared to something like Kale… One cup of kale contains: Vitamin A: 206% Vitamin C: 134% Iron: 6% But one serving of steak (3.5 oz) contains: 134% of the RDA of B12 21.9% of the RDA of B3 22.9% of the RDA of B6 16.9% of the RDA of B2 70.9% of the RDA of Zinc 46.4% of the RDA of Selenium 14.7% of the RDA of Iron 15.9% of the RDA of Copper 16.8% of the RDA of Phosphorous 13.6% of the RDA of Choline Pair that with a serving size of beef liver (688% of the RDA of Vitamin A) and pretty much the only thing Broccoli has against Steak and Liver is Vitamin C. (Which you could easily get from eating something like Oranges or Grapefruit…) And just to put all of those %’s into perspective for you, 3.5 oz is about a handful of steak. So if you were to eat a full Ribeye, which is about a pound on average, multiply all of those numbers by 4.5 If you were to eat a full New York Strip, which is about 10oz on average, multiply all of those numbers by 3. Steak > Vegetables. And I know what you’re probably saying… “But Carnivore Aurelius! You’ve been out of stock of your delicious beef liver crisps and your mouth-watering steak crisps for so long! I had no choice but to eat kale!” I understand, and you are forgiven for your transgressions… Because next Monday we are locked and loaded back in stock with enough Liver Crisps and Steak Crisps to feed the planet! (Not literally…that would be sick, we just have a lot in stock and ready to go.) Forget the inferior protein sources… Liver and steak crisps are back in town. Moo, Carnivore Aurelius Email 3 - Saturday Subject Line: a christmas eve liver story… Preview Line: (n/a) ‘Twas the night before Christmas and all of the cows were ready to go to bed. They had spent all day preparing for their big feast the next day, cooking and cleaning and making sure everything was just perfect. But as everyone settled down for the night, one of them, a mischievous young calf named Marcus, couldn't help but feel a little bit left out. He was supposed to make the beef liver for the feast, but he just couldn't seem to get it right. No matter how hard he tried, it always came out overcooked and tough… And in his many attempts he made quite the mess and stunk up the house as well with a pungent smell. As Marcus lay in bed, feeling sorry for himself, he suddenly heard a loud knock at the door. He jumped out of bed and ran to see who it was, and to his surprise, there stood a jolly old man in a red suit and a marble beard. Marcus shouted in excitement, “Carnivore Aurelius!” "Merry Christmas, Marcus! I see you're having a bit of trouble with your beef liver. Don't worry, I can help!" And with that, the old man reached into his sack and pulled out a bag of his signature liver crisps. "Just serve this in a bowl and everyone will be munching on them in no time!" he said with a wink. Marcus confused replied, “You know, I’ve never questioned this before, but aren’t we cannibals if we’re eating our own kind?” Carnivore Aurelius grabbed Marcus by his shirt and pulled him in close while saying, “Don’t mess up my Christmas Eve email by breaking the fourth wall.” Marcus thanked the old man and ran back to the kitchen to prepare his dish. And sure enough, the next evening during dinner, everyone was going crazy over the liver crisps… Crunching and munching singing holiday songs into the night. The whole family was amazed, and Marcus was hailed as the hero of the feast. This was a liver christmas eve story, and I hope you enjoyed it. Moo, Carnivore Aurelius P.S. Next week you’ll be able to enjoy liver crisps and steak crisps just like Marcus. Expect to see a badass email from me on Monday! Email 4 - Sunday Subject Line: merry Christmas you liver lovers Preview Line: me and the boys are working overtime for you Fellow Christmas Enjoyer, I wanted to say Merry Christmas from me and all the staff over here at Carnivore Aurelius! We’re working overtime on Christmas here at the office because tomorrow we’re back in stock with both Liver Crisps and Steak Crisps… That’s right! You can use that cash your grandma gave you as a gift to stock up on the best food in town that contains 688% of your Recommended Daily Amount (RDA) of Vitamin A… What does Vitamin A do? Great question. - Protects against kidney stones. - Prevents autoimmune disorders - Reduces allergies - Prevents celiac disease - Makes testosterone and progesterone - Improves skin - Increases ATP production - Aids immune function - Crucial for circadian rhythm - Lowers excess estrogen And you don’t just get 50% of your RDA… Or 100% of your RDA… Or even 200% of your RDA… You get 688% OF YOUR RDA! If nature made a multivitamin, it would be liver, and that’s why you need to stock up on Liver Crisps! I’ll be in your inbox tomorrow morning with an email containing the crunch heard round the world… The great restock of 2022! Anyways, again, hope you have a really beautiful Christmas with your family. All the best. Moo, Carnivore Aurelius Email 2 - Monday Subject Line: BACK IN STOCKGrab some liver crisps or steak crisps! Preview Line: This time we’re for real for real! Fellow Carnivore, I have fantastic news… By the grace of the meat gods themselves… WE ARE BACK IN STOCK WITH LIVER CRISPS AND STEAK CRISPS. After working non-stop with our suppliers and passing all of the quality checks we set up… Here we are, ready to serve you the best carnivore-friendly snacks on the planet. The benefits are the best in town… * Protein: 17 grams in Steak, 15 grams in Beef Liver * Iron: Supports Better Energy Levels * Zinc: Supports Healthy Immune System * Vitamin A: Supports Bone Health * Vitamin B9: Supports Cell Production * Vitamin B12: Supports Blood Cell Production * Potassium: Supports Healthy Fluid Levels In Cells * Copper: Supports Brain Development * Creatine: Supports Muscle Growth * Carnitine: Supports Healthy Fat Levels * Taurine: Supports Energy & Nerve Health Toss your protein bars and protein powders in the trash, this is a superior of protein reserved strictly for badasses and super cool people. I just checked the list, and you happen to be a part of the badass super cool club, so go ahead and get stocked up on some Steak Crisps or Liver Crisps today! (Psst! If you use code MOO at checkout, you’ll save 10% off on your order.) >> Click here to stock up on Steak Crisps Or… >> Click here to stock up on Liver Crisps Moo, Carnivore Aurelius Email 3 - Tuesday Subject: holy liver crisps! Preview: i swear this email will make sense just open it ya weirdo Fellow Silly Goose, I have to say my friends, I was actually kind of shocked by the number of orders that came in yesterday. I knew we were going to have a lot because people love our product… But damn! You guys were really craving some liver and steak crisps. Makes sense though… With all of the stress that comes with the holidays, it’s only right that you treat yourself to the most superior, nutrient-packed, delicious, and convenient snack in the world. I spent MONTHS working with different suppliers to get a quality product created for you all… And maybe my perfectionism added an extra month or two, but I’m okay with that. Only the best for you guys and gals. If you want to grab a set of liver crisps or steak crisps, just click one of the links below! >> Click here to stock up on Steak Crisps Or… >> Click here to stock up on Liver Crisps Moo, Carnivore Aurelius P.S. Don’t forget! If you use code MOO at checkout, you’ll save 10% off on your order. Subscription Email Subject Line: (Urgent) Your Liver Subscription Preview Line: Details Inside This Email Hello Fellow Liver Lover, Guess what? My liver crisps are finally back in stock! We’ve had a loooooong delay on getting these back in stock mainly because of two reasons… First, I had to fight off massive seed oil monsters who were disrupting our supply chain. For 97 days and nights, I’ve been at war with them combatting their poisonous assault on humans all around the world… Obviously, this took up a lot of time, and yes… I won. The second reason is that there have been some supply chain issues and we wanted to make sure we got the product quality dialed in. But now we’re back in stock ready to roll! Since you were a subscriber for the liver crisps, we’ve already put aside your orders from everyone else’s. Assuming you want to start your subscription back up again, you don’t need to do anything… Your card on file will be billed on Friday, February 3rd and your crisps will be on their way. If you need to update your card, or if you wish to cancel your subscription… Just respond to this email before then and we’ll make those changes for you. Moo, Carnivore Aurelius