The Gavin Letters - Part 9

Mr. Reichert, Hope you’re doing well, man. I want to get you rolling this week with deeper AI integration in your workflow. Think back to what we covered on our last call — our process has four steps: 1. Research 2. Outlining 3. Prompting 4. Enhancing Your research for this project is already solid. So your “object” for outlining — what you’ll be prompting on — is sales call recordings. I’ve attached several at the bottom of this document, along with a link that shows you exactly how to navigate and paste them in. From there, your real focus is prompting → finding ad angles or ideas → turning them into copy There are a ton of angles you can explore with your prompts, and I want you to use your own intelligence and instincts here instead of just mirroring my style. Some examples you can play with: * “What presuppositions are these men making?” * “What worldviews are they operating from?” * “What would I need to say to these men to stop the scroll and grab their attention?” Those are just examples — the point is to experiment until you surface an angle or idea that feels live.Once you extract the idea, that’s when you turn it into copy. Remember: you don’t ask for an ad or a VSL. You ask for a piece of copy. Then you layer style using what I call a CopyOS, in this case we are using EagleOS. Just download it and attach it saying something like: “Use EagleOS (attached) to write a piece of copy for [insert insight extracted from calls].” The final step is your polish — editing, simplifying, tightening, removing bloat, sharpening the voice. This week, I want you focused on high-quality volume. It’s not quality or quantity. With AI, you can do both. And that’s exactly what we’re aiming for. Same schedule as usual: 30 minutes of Breakthrough Advertising. 90 minutes of actual writing. Let me know if you hit any roadblocks. To Your Super Success, Nick LINKS: https://fathom.video/share/Sx89Aj1nsPHWi86Akej__ivwiN2fMiwq https://fathom.video/share/n8zaVMNc1tC4KA3kzLbeFik1SVesRxiW https://fathom.video/share/R4juxQGZ_4Jj4z1Mroz2dw1Hcx4QYnSB https://fathom.video/share/ot7YyL43a5L2UZCX_KN_NzJm57Nqrz7X https://fathom.video/share/dqHpp7Xbz9uAEbosZNtmz8WWt51zybbu LOOM: loom.com/share/90db3b580b4644b4953d37c9b29abb28?from_recorder=1&focus_title=1 EAGLEOS: EagleOS_Complete_Guide (1).pdf Peter Haywood x Breakthrough Call - November 10 VIEW RECORDING - 48 mins (No highlights) @0:01 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Hello? Looks like it might be on mute, brother. Hello? There should – I don't know if you – obviously, I don't know if I can hear you. There should be a prompt, like something that pops up. @0:24 - Peter (Wiyy) hear me now? @0:25 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Oh, there it is. Yeah, I can hear you, but I can't see you. You're not in your pajamas over there at work, are you? @0:33 - Peter (Wiyy) No, no. I don't know why. There we go. @0:36 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) There he is. I can see you. Obviously, you can hear me. Can you see me too, bald head and all? @0:43 - Peter (Wiyy) I can see you, yep. @0:45 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) The bald head's not too shiny, is it, right? @0:47 - Peter (Wiyy) It's not getting in your eyes? No, no, no. No, not at all. @0:53 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Okay, all right. Oh, it's perfect. I like it. @0:55 - Peter (Wiyy) All right. @0:56 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Flattery doesn't get you anywhere. @0:58 - Peter (Wiyy) Just kidding. No. @0:59 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Just All right, brother. Oh, before I forget, you spoke to Connie, right? Yeah, he called me. Yeah, yep, yep, yep. Now, I should have sent over a resource to you. I know we had a reschedule from last week to this week. @1:15 - Peter (Wiyy) Did you happen to take a look at it? I started it, but I started then you got bored, right? No, no, no. I started it too late. I was, like I said, I'm at work, and I own the business, and I'm, like, in and out and busy. And tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday, I'm going to be away, so I'm, like, just trying to get caught up. @1:39 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) I got you, brother. I got you. No worries, man. How much did you get through of it? @1:47 - Peter (Wiyy) Maybe 10 minutes. @1:49 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) 10 minutes? Ah, what am I going to do to you? @1:51 - Peter (Wiyy) Throw you to the wall? I mean, we can certainly schedule this for another time and give me a chance to go through it, you know? @1:59 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Well, Well, let's do this just to see if we can help in the first place. I know that you probably saw something, I'm not sure, that got you to even want to book in the call. I do have your application here, but I don't want to assume anything. And we talked for a little bit before, but not the full throttle. So help me understand, you know, something about maybe not having good conversations. It's been going on for, you said, more than a few years. So how's that actually looking like? What's the conversations besides just one word looking like? @2:35 - Peter (Wiyy) Well, from her life, her mom was kind of a controlling person with her dad, I guess. You know, I don't know that much about it. Not that she said this to me, but my sister-in-law pointed it out to me that she was a controlling mom. @2:54 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Ah, okay. Yeah. What's your wife's name, by the way? @2:57 - Peter (Wiyy) I don't want to just keep calling her wife. Diane. @2:59 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Diane. And that is going to be super easy to remember. @3:02 - Peter (Wiyy) That's one of my wife's good friend's names. So that should be easy. Okay. @3:06 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) So with you and her, now I know some guys, what they'll do is they'll hop on a call. You don't seem like the type of guy who'll vent about what's going on with the wife and essentially what she's doing wrong. But I guess for you, what is it that you're possibly looking for some help that we can help Peter with? @3:29 - Peter (Wiyy) Well, when it's interesting, you know, I don't know when she is hard of hearing. She has hearing aids. I have hearing aids. Her hearing is much worse than mine. And I have a hard time remembering to speak up or if we're in the car, she can't hear me hardly at all or understand me. So we don't talk a lot because of that. @4:00 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) I think. @4:01 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah. @4:02 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Well, besides like the hard of hearing, do you feel like there's any other reason that you feel like you guys don't talk a lot? @4:08 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah. Well, she asked me a question. I usually use it as yes or no. Okay. You know, she likes wordy questions, you know, wordy answers. In other words, you know, how'd your meeting go today? @4:25 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) It went good. Yeah. You know. Okay. Well, does she have a problem with the one word answers or? @4:32 - Peter (Wiyy) Yes. @4:33 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Right. Okay. Yeah. Well, what is she normally, how does she normally respond? @4:42 - Peter (Wiyy) She ignores it. She ignores it. @4:46 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Okay. @4:47 - Peter (Wiyy) She doesn't say anything. @4:49 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Okay. @4:52 - Peter (Wiyy) Until, until I say, you know, something like, I try and talk about something else, maybe, or. And I say, so what was your question? And she said, well, you didn't answer my question. Yeah. @5:07 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Okay. @5:08 - Peter (Wiyy) So she gets upset with me, but also, I don't think she. Yeah. @5:16 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Well, how long has that been going on for, too? The one word, you just kind of responding one word way. @5:23 - Peter (Wiyy) That's the way I've been, I think. Really? It's a me. For your liking. For your entire life? Pretty much with her. Okay. I don't know. You know, I don't really, haven't really thought about it that much, but it was, you know, I'm trying to think about it as I'm getting into this with you guys. @5:42 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Okay. @5:43 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah, man. @5:44 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Well, there's, you know, there's always, there's some guys who, you know, they talk a lot. There's some guys they talk, you know, somewhat. There's some guys who they don't, they don't really talk at all. And I don't want to assume, what do you feel like has caused you to, you know, just kind of respond with one word answers. And, and, and. Not really the way she's hoping you can. @6:06 - Peter (Wiyy) Well, there's a lot of times that her question or her statement to me is just a one word, you know, was it a good day? Yeah, I had a good day. You know, basically, it's one word to her. Yes. Yes. And obviously, from that, I need to key into what she's saying and stop saying more. But a lot of times, to me, it's just a one word. @6:37 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Well, why do you feel like you need to key in a little bit more? @6:41 - Peter (Wiyy) Because she tells me it's you only say yes. @6:45 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Okay. Was there a recent time that that might have even happened? @6:51 - Peter (Wiyy) Oh, yeah. Last night. @6:54 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Okay. And, I mean, I don't want to assume, right, with the community. Vacation and doing it that way, do you feel like that's having an impact on the marriage at all? @7:08 - Peter (Wiyy) Because she gets upset with me. @7:10 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) She feels like I don't want to talk. @7:15 - Peter (Wiyy) I don't have anything to say. @7:18 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) What do mean upset? That might look different things to different people. @7:23 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah. She feels unloved. I guess I would put it that way. @7:29 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Okay. @7:30 - Peter (Wiyy) You don't want to communicate with me. @7:32 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) don't love me enough to communicate with me type of thing. Oh, okay. You know? @7:36 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah. Maybe. @7:37 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Maybe. @7:37 - Peter (Wiyy) I'm putting some of my own words in that. @7:40 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah. Well, what she actually say? Does she say that she feels unloved or something like that? @7:49 - Peter (Wiyy) Basically, she says, you don't want to talk to me. Which, with the attitude is, you know, yeah. @7:59 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah. You don't They about us, or me, or, um, yeah, yeah, um, well, Peter, how does, I mean, you can be real with me, right, I mean, some guys, they help on the call, they, they may feel a little uncomfortable with this, but I mean, kudos to you for raising your hand, even asking for help, man, a lot of guys don't do that, you, you hearing that, you know, your wife is telling you that, maybe you just don't love her enough to communicate with her, how how does that make you feel? @8:32 - Peter (Wiyy) I, I feel upset, um, I, I feel that she's angry with me, so I don't know how to then respond to that, yeah, and she will just stop talking, you know, um, but there's a lot of times that, you know, we're in the kitchen. @8:57 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) I was just curious, when you say stop talking, does she... Does she shut down and possibly even – I don't know. Yeah, because she doesn't want to respond. @9:11 - Peter (Wiyy) For instance, I'll say, I'm sorry. What did you want? What was your question? Never mind. You don't want to talk to me, that type of thing. @9:19 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah. Well, I noticed something, Peter, if I may. Can I share a perspective here? @9:26 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah. @9:27 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Are sure? @9:28 - Peter (Wiyy) don't want you to get upset with me. No, no, no, no. @9:30 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Go ahead. Okay. Yeah, it's one of those things, right, that I noticed a little chuckle, a little laugh. Now, you don't seem like this type of guy, but there are some guys who feel like that type of communication or even – but it's affecting the marriage is somewhat of a joke. I mean – but I don't feel like that's you. @9:50 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah, no. Yeah. @9:56 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, what do you feel like was behind that – I don't a little bit of chuckle there. @9:59 - Peter (Wiyy) I I don't know. I honestly didn't know I was chuckling. @10:11 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah. No, it's okay. mean, most guys don't. One of the things that we noticed over here is somewhat sometimes that's even a coping mechanism. And I'm not saying that's you, but a lot of times we hear that type of language. Right now, mean, just so I'm understanding with you and Diane, is there anything that recently happened that made this something that you want to change now? @10:49 - Peter (Wiyy) Well, trying to think last night. See, I just got home last night. I was away for two days. I was at a man. And, you know, just being with the guys, playing games, going to seminars, things like that. And then when I got home, she came and picked me up at my friend's house that I drove with. And then, you know, did you have a good time? I think was her, I'm trying to remember what her question was. Maybe how was it was more like her question, okay? @11:36 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah. @11:37 - Peter (Wiyy) You know, how was it? Did you have a good time? Maybe was the full question. @11:41 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) I can't remember exactly. @11:42 - Peter (Wiyy) But then that becomes a, it was good, you know, but that, according to where it went from there, we didn't have any more conversation. Yeah. the way home, really. Okay. And then when we got. We didn't have much to say, and then at some point, somehow it came up, well, you didn't want to tell me about what you did, what it was like, you know. So I do have a hard time expounding on what happened, what we did, you know. @12:24 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Okay. Yeah, man, and that's typically why guys reach out to us is, you know, possibly there's some communication going on with their wife and, you know, making them feel, you know, maybe a little unloved, and it might be even upsetting you, it sounds like, even with you. Have you thought about what happens if you don't actually start to communicate with her the way that she's asking for? @12:50 - Peter (Wiyy) Well, the problem is at the moment, I don't think about it. At the moment, maybe I'm too tired to think this. It's all through and come up with some groovy stuff to impart, you know? @13:04 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah. Well, now that you're thinking about it now, what do you feel like would happen if, I don't know, you're not able to communicate with her the way that she's really wanting to feel loved? Right. @13:20 - Peter (Wiyy) I think so. @13:22 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, what do you feel like would happen if nothing changes? @13:26 - Peter (Wiyy) I mean, if I don't communicate? @13:29 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, you don't, you know, start to communicate the way that she's hoping that she can feel loved. @13:35 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah, I think I see that, or I think that, and it's, I don't know, I'm not, I don't want to try and blame it on one thing or another. It's kind of putting my own spin on it. I don't know what her spin is. Yeah. kind a So maybe I should work on that. @14:03 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, well, the question more so is, Peter, is what happens if you don't? Like what happens if you don't actually communicate the way that she's hoping? What do you feel like would happen? @14:16 - Peter (Wiyy) It definitely bothers her. It's only going to get worse as far as, you know, he doesn't want to communicate with me, so I'm not going to communicate with him. @14:25 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, if it does get worse? @14:26 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah. And we... @14:29 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) What happens if it does get worse, Peter? @14:34 - Peter (Wiyy) We just, like, go do our own thing, you know? She'll... She gets her stuff together. She has to take... She takes meds and gets homeopathics a drink together, and then she's, okay, I'm going to have a shower and go to bed. And, of course, well, of course. says, Thank What she does is she goes up eventually, not necessarily in the next two minutes. I'm going right up as 15 to 20 to a half an hour. And then she'll go up and she'll go in the bathroom and she's in there at least an hour or more just doing whatever she's doing. I don't know what she's doing. @15:23 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) I'm not in there. Yeah. Well, her spending an hour in the bathroom or, you know, whatever she's doing there, instead of spending time with you because you maybe feel like, you know, you're communicating with her. If it gets worse, Peter, and she just keeps doing that and you guys keep not communicating, where do you see this leading to maybe the next day, week, month, or year? @15:47 - Peter (Wiyy) Well, it's, you have to, maybe, I think I, maybe I didn't, you know, I'm 80, turned 80 just recently, so she's 70. 29. So we're not young. We've been married since I was around 25. So we've been together a long time. And this is not like a yesterday thing. This has been over a number of years. She, a number of years ago, she said something about something that happened 40 years ago has been sticking with her forever. @16:26 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Uh, and that's one thing I was thinking about when, or was mentioned in the video, one of the videos that I watched. @16:34 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah. That women, you know, bring up things from way back. You know, they, they remember and remember and remember. Or I don't. @16:46 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah. Well, is it, is it, and I like the way you're thinking about it, right? And even for you, brother, kudos to you for raising your hand, asking for help. Uh, the thing is, is that most guys never think about what happens if things stay the same or they get worse. But by also never looking at it, you also don't know how to avoid it, right? So let's just say you fast forward a year, two years, five years, ten years from now, and you guys are still exactly where you are now. How would that look? @17:21 - Peter (Wiyy) I mean, it wouldn't look great. I don't think I'm, there was a time within, I would say, a number of years ago, I hate to put a number on it because I can't remember exactly, it was 10, 15 years ago, she said to me, we're not getting along, we should just get divorced. And I said to her, no, we made a commitment, I made a commitment to, in front of God and to everybody through, for. We were standing through good or through bad, through sickness and in health, and I'm not going to quit. Is that a concern you possibly have even now? Well, we've kind of come to that, or she came to that agreement. She didn't dispute it. We became born-again Christians, right, way back. She accepted God into her life and became baptized, and I did also at one point. And she was Catholic, I was Protestant, and then we got married, and I didn't have to become a Catholic, and she was kind of not happy with the Catholic religion, and we just migrated into a non-denominational church, which is fine. It was a great pastor and all of that. So... And when I said that kind of a response, I think it made it that she wasn't going to argue that point anymore. Okay. So what she said sometime after that was we are not roommates, we're housemates. We're not a married couple. We're housemates, which is kind of how our life has been. We don't – she had a knee operation replacing her knee. @19:34 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) You said housemates? @19:36 - Peter (Wiyy) Housemates or housemaids? Housemates, M-A-T-E-S. @19:42 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Ah, okay. And brother – yeah, in her hearing – you're hearing her say that you guys are housemates. What went through your head? @19:51 - Peter (Wiyy) It means that we live together, but we're not lovers. @19:55 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah. Yeah, and I – yeah, and I mean, is that what What you're possibly looking for some help with is how to communicate so you guys aren't staying housemates the next year, two years, or five? @20:08 - Peter (Wiyy) Is that what you're possibly looking for? You know, she says, I love you, and I don't know what that means, and the real term of the word in her, and I mean, yes, she, the way as I understand it is she wouldn't want to see me get hurt and maimed and lose an arm, or she loves me and feels bad when I'm sick and that kind of thing. But she has no interest in me. Yeah. How long does that going for? A long time. @20:46 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Like a couple years? @20:48 - Peter (Wiyy) No. A couple months? We haven't made love 15 years or more. @20:58 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Oh, okay. @21:00 - Peter (Wiyy) And 15 years – and I appreciate you being honest about it and open about it. @21:04 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, that shows a lot of courage, a lot of vulnerability in regards to that. So I have a lot of kudos to you, just doing that on its own. And for you, is there any thought process behind looking for more structured coaching rather than, I don't know, just keep doing what you're doing now and hoping things change? @21:24 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah, kind of – I mean, part of the thing that I haven't explained to you is part of this thing is she is a celiac, so gluten messes her up, okay? Well, what we learned by going to classes on celiac when she found out she was a celiac and has been probably most of her life was that if I continue to eat food with gluten in it, it's in my mouth. Therefore, she doesn't kiss me. @22:01 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) We don't kiss by mouth. Okay. @22:04 - Peter (Wiyy) All right. So lately I've been thinking, my God, Peter, if you'd have gone to gluten-free, maybe that would be a difference and we'd feel more loving to each other and kiss every once in a while, which gives you that love feeling. @22:22 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Okay. @22:23 - Peter (Wiyy) As I've become older, my drive, I don't have a drive. @22:27 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) I hardly get an erection anymore. Well, I appreciate you. mean, being honest with me and I, appreciate that. You know, and the thing is like, whether it's celiac or whether it's you guys are getting older, I mean, all of that aside, if you don't communicate with her and her feeling loved, do you feel like she's going to be more or less forward with you? @22:54 - Peter (Wiyy) If I went to being a celiac or gluten-free? No, no. @22:59 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) No, like. But celiac, your drive aside, if you're not communicating with her the way that she feels love, do you really feel like she's going to want to be more involved with you? @23:10 - Peter (Wiyy) No, no, I agree with that. It's every nuance, definitely. @23:16 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, yeah, and we can always say maybe it's the celiac, or maybe it's the age, or maybe it's the weather. There's always things there, but ultimately over here, what I'm hearing is more so she's not feeling loved. And by not feeling loved by the way you're communicating, that can affect how it is . @23:34 - Peter (Wiyy) All right. @23:35 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) And for you, man, mean, are you confident with the way you're doing things now that you're going to be able to fix it? @23:46 - Peter (Wiyy) I have to get my mind around it a little better, I think. And I have to not, you know, we... We used to do a devotional. @24:02 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) We started to do a devotional together. @24:05 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah. @24:07 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) How long have been trying to do – like how long have been trying to fix this, by the way? @24:13 - Peter (Wiyy) Let's see. The kids get out of the house. My son is 50, and I'm 80, so he's been out of the house since he was 20. – so 30 years. @24:31 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Okay. @24:32 - Peter (Wiyy) So 30 years you've been trying to fix it, and if you keep doing it the way you have been doing it, do you really feel like it's going to change in the next – Well, it's – you know, have I really been trying is what I've been coming to myself lately is, you know – Have you? I don't think I've been trying as good as I should. I don't think of it in the – Why I don't think of it in the – In other words, you know, just like that, not talking much, but there's also this thing I was starting to say about doing the devotional. She said, okay, let's do the devotional in the morning. We'll get up early 5.30 and do a devotional. Well, 5.30 is not a great time to get up for me. I do, though. But by the time, you know, if you go through the devotional and all that kind of stuff, then there's no time to eat practice. I've got to get to work. So I never pushed it enough to say, okay, let's do it in the evening. Yeah. @25:40 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) You know, I – Just a question before I lose you. I don't to mean to jump in. You've been trying to fix it for 30 years, brother, and you said that, you know, like it's like before. There's the celiac, there's the time, there's all these things that could come up. But ultimately, what's really prevented you from trying? Like 100% as much as you can up until this point as you've been trying for 30 years. @26:06 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah. Being realistic about it or serious about it maybe. @26:17 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) What's preventing you from being serious about it if you know this is something that she's affected? @26:21 - Peter (Wiyy) I don't know. Well, part of it is probably back to the controlling thing. By controlling, when she doesn't ask me to do something, she tells me to do something, and if I don't start doing it in 10 seconds, then she yells at me because I'm not doing it. In other words, could you? Could you? @27:00 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Looks like we're frozen. We are frozen. We're frozen. Hello? @27:10 - Peter (Wiyy) Hello? @27:12 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) You're back. Yeah, we were frozen for a second here. @27:17 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah. You're right now? Where is? Yeah, I can see you. @27:21 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Okay. Okay, perfect. You still hear me all right? @27:24 - Peter (Wiyy) Yes. @27:25 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, I lost your voice. Oh, I don't know why. It froze for a second. @27:30 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah, just – do you mind if I share a perspective here? Sure. @27:33 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, so, I mean, Peter, you said that this has been going on for 30 years, right? We said that. We've been trying. We even brought up some things like celiac and all this and different things here. But ultimately, what I'm just curious is all that aside, if this is something you – it seems like you really love your wife, you want to make this work. Like, what has stopped you from just saying, hey, I'm going to do what Whatever I need to do, right? To get to where I need to be with my wife. @28:05 - Peter (Wiyy) I don't You know, the big thing for me is I don't, I think if we were to divorce and move apart, number one is my feeling and, you know, that we've committed to the Lord. But the damage it would be doing to our family, our grandkids, and all of that definitely weighs into it. But then I'd say to myself, Peter, if you love her, what is it doing to you yourself, you know? I mean, we married quickly. We only knew each other for three months, so we didn't really know each other. Yeah, well, Peter, remember asking like, yeah. @28:59 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Peter, You've known her for at least 30, at the bare minimum, 30 years now. Overall, Peter, yeah, at least. Overall, brother, I'm hearing a lot of the things in which could – reasons in which that maybe you're not communicating the way you want to, but if she's the reason you're doing this, she also can't be the reason you don't. @29:24 - Peter (Wiyy) Right. @29:25 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) So for you, brother, like all of the reasons aside, you could just communicate the way that she's asking for. Is it more so you just don't know how to or is it you just don't find it that important? @29:38 - Peter (Wiyy) And there's no judgment here. that's what I'm wondering too. I don't find it that important until she says something and then I think, oh, it's too late now. I've already blown it. You know, if I try and start to talk now, she probably won't respond very well. And I have tried. I have tried sometimes, not every time, unfortunately. @29:59 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Well, that way – That way of thinking of, oh, you know, if I try now, I've already blown it. Do you feel like that's helping the situation? @30:07 - Peter (Wiyy) No. @30:08 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah. And if we keep that way of thinking, you know, what's going to end up happening over and over again? @30:16 - Peter (Wiyy) Right. It's only going to get worse. @30:19 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, brother. So, I mean, for you, what's behind that way of thinking of, you know, I've already blown it, so I might as well not do anything now? @30:32 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah, I try not to think I shouldn't do anything now. It's more, all of a sudden, I realize, oh, my gosh, I wasn't being community of, you know, I almost am not in the minute until after I leave it. And I have to say, there's a lot of times that we're in the kitchen. I sit in a rocker that I have in the kitchen that we have. Mm-hmm. One of each. And I'm always sitting there, and her comment to me is, I'm always on my phone. @31:08 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah. @31:09 - Peter (Wiyy) Well, both of us tend to do that, okay? @31:12 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) But I'm the one that's always on it. Yeah. Well, Peter, also, like, we can't control Diane, right? @31:18 - Peter (Wiyy) No. @31:19 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) No, who's the one we can't, who won for some we can't control? @31:23 - Peter (Wiyy) Right. Me. @31:24 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, right? So with you, brother, mean, we're here, again, I'm hearing a lot of reasons or a lot of things of what she's doing wrong or the celiac, this and that. But ultimately, if you can control you and no one else can, right, do you feel like it's going to serve you to keep using these reasons of why it's not happening? @31:45 - Peter (Wiyy) No. @31:46 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) I'm more… Why not? @31:48 - Peter (Wiyy) Why don't you feel like it's serving you? Well, what I'm trying to communicate to myself is that what am I doing? Well, And why can't I remember to do it when I start to, or even before? And why can't I make myself talk more? @32:14 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, well, mean, brother, there's a lot of reasons. I'm not saying this is yours, but this is typically why guys come to us, right? There's some communication, there's things that are going on that maybe isn't serving them the way they want to, and they just don't know, right? So it's not uncommon of what you're saying. And even still, have you tried anything in the past to fix this so you can learn how to communicate in the moment? @32:38 - Peter (Wiyy) Not very well. @32:40 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Okay, not very well. @32:41 - Peter (Wiyy) Not well. @32:41 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) What have you actually tried? @32:48 - Peter (Wiyy) It just, I don't know what it is. doesn't come to me in the moment even to try and communicate more. It's, I need to bring it to the... @33:00 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) And I'm keeping it in back. I don't know. Well, have you tried, I mean, have you tried any, I think you might have mentioned it, but have you tried any advanced coaching in the past to actually fix this? @33:12 - Peter (Wiyy) You mean have somebody coached me? @33:14 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, like have you ever, well, no, I'm assuming you, the way you've been doing things have gotten us on the call here. So what I mean more so is, have you ever searched out for advanced coaching to actually fix this? And I think you froze again. Frozen. Hello? @33:43 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah, you're back. @33:45 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) There he is. Yeah, so I was asking is, have you tried anything in the past besides you doing it on your own? What have you actually invested into, whether it's advanced coaching or something like that to be able to. @34:00 - Peter (Wiyy) Well, Diane went for coaching. All right. And then she said to me, you know, we need marriage counseling. @34:09 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) So we have been she did her own thing. @34:12 - Peter (Wiyy) And I went there invited by she and her coach. And when we went there, I felt like I was being targeted as the bad guy. @34:26 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, yeah. We typically hear that when a guy when they say they've done a marriage counseling. And I mean, so that's typically why guys come to us is because they've tried these things. And that's what we hear a lot. Now for you, Diane went out and found her own coaching. What prevented you from searching out for your own advanced coaching even before our call here? @34:47 - Peter (Wiyy) You know, I did some years ago. I linked up with a coach. @34:54 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) I forget how I found out about him. @34:56 - Peter (Wiyy) A Christian guy. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. And it was. It was not a Zoom. It was by phone, I think, if I remember right. But I didn't spend a lot of time. He was, you know, I've tried with my pastor. @35:16 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah. What ended up happening with that guy over the phone? What ended up happening there? @35:24 - Peter (Wiyy) Um, as you can see, I get busy. I've been in my own business for 57 years, and it occupies a lot of my time. Okay. So business kind of gets in the way because I let it, maybe. @35:41 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) I don't know. Yeah. Well, I mean, you mentioned something that's kind of important there, brother. We all, we all have the same 24 hours in a day, you know, and we tend to prioritize the things that are important to us, right? So, mean, for you, you getting busy and you not actually searching out coaching. For Yourself. Do you see where that's where that's gotten us? @36:04 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah. Well, it hasn't gotten me any help. @36:08 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah. And if you if we keep saying, hey, I'm busy or we keep saying these other things, right, that we keep saying that we're trying to. I don't think you're doing this on purpose or your intentions. But if we keep saying busy, celiac, there's all these things. I if we keep bringing these things up to to more so rationalize why we haven't done anything, do you feel like that's that's really serving you at this point? @36:35 - Peter (Wiyy) Well, obviously not. @36:37 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, it's not. It's obviously seems like to you, but it's not obvious to some people. I mean, so for you, you you prioritizing, not just the time and not prior to and prioritizing the marriage and the importance of it to to seek out something. What actually shifted to make you want to do that? @36:58 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah. Can say that again? @37:03 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, what shifted for you, for you to actually start prioritizing the time and not using all these reasons? What shifted recently that made you want to do that? @37:17 - Peter (Wiyy) Um, well, it's just that I've known in my mind, see the problem, because I get focused on it a little bit, and then when it, the opportunity comes up, or the time that I should talk to her about it to say, okay, let's schedule some time and we'll, we'll, we'll talk together. Just don't do anything else. We'll schedule time to be together and just chat. I never think of it at the right time. It's always when things go bad, I start thinking, I should have scheduled time for us to talk so that we don't get to this point. @37:57 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah. Well, what I think is probably where I'm Yeah, and Peter, there's no judgment, brother, right? The question I guess I have for you is even when you find out that it's maybe a little too late in that moment, why not say, okay, this is what's happening in this moment, but I'm still going to follow through. @38:15 - Peter (Wiyy) I'm still going to follow through on that. @38:17 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) What stops you from doing that? @38:19 - Peter (Wiyy) I don't know. Do you mind if I share a small concern? Sure. @38:25 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, and I've had thousands of – okay, yeah, don't worry. I've had thousands of these calls, right? And a lot of times what I hear is there's a little bit of uncertainty behind it. Maybe even – I don't know about you, but some people say even a little bit of fear. Yeah. Maybe there's a fear of failure or something like that. @38:43 - Peter (Wiyy) Does that resonate with you at all? Kind of. It might be a fear of being rejected. @38:50 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Ah, okay. @38:50 - Peter (Wiyy) Or if I bring it up, or maybe, you know, I wish I had a better memory. better memory. I But I don't get, when I have brought it up, I can't give you the exact response I get, but it's not a positive response. It's, you know, I get the feeling that my memory is that because it's me bringing it up, it doesn't seem like it's acceptable. I don't know. I can't put a nail in it. @39:35 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, no, I understand what you're saying. Like I said, hundreds and hundreds and thousands of those calls. The question I have, I guess, is when you, when you bring this up, are you bringing it up so she can respond the way you hope she can respond or are you bringing it up because it's the right thing to do? @39:57 - Peter (Wiyy) I think it's more, well. I guess it's kind of a little of both, you know, but I would say it's more because I feel that's what she would like to have happen than the right thing to do, maybe. @40:21 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) I don't know. I've never put my head around it. Yeah, no, it's okay. @40:25 - Peter (Wiyy) again, that's why we're on the call, right? @40:27 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Because, I mean, you seem like a guy who has character, right? And the thing is, is that a lot of guys will just do it because they hope the response of what their wife is going to be the way that it is. But ultimately, when they're doing that, the attention, the attention is on her and what she's going to be doing, how she's going to respond. And we can't control the wife. But since we can control ourselves, if we're not paying attention to what we're doing and how we're responding, then we'll always be waiting for someone else to respond. The way that we want them to, instead of just doing it because it's the right thing to do. Now, I mean, even with that, mean, the fear of rejection, that's, yeah, well, Peter, we both know that's a real big probability, right? @41:15 - Peter (Wiyy) It's a big possibility. @41:16 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) You go to her, you say the things, and she rejects. But ultimately, there's the other side, right? But if you, when you have courage, when you have courage to keep taking steps and keep conversating, keep bringing these things up, so that you can put yourself and your marriage in the best position to actually flourish, right, that's the other choice. Now, for you, you always have to ask yourself, are you wanting to be the guy who keeps this fear of rejection holding you back, or do you want to move forward, have courage in spite of that fear, so you can really build this marriage the way you want to? @41:54 - Peter (Wiyy) Yeah, no, I do. I would like to see us get back online. I really would. Build our marriage. @42:01 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah. Well, why though? Because I don't know your marriage and I'll try to assume. Why do you actually want to do that? Like have that courage and get on the right line. @42:16 - Peter (Wiyy) Because it doesn't – it's not comfortable to be in a house with her the way we are. @42:21 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah. @42:22 - Peter (Wiyy) Um, and it, you know, it doesn't look – I know that it's obvious to my kids that things aren't going well. @42:35 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) How so? @42:35 - Peter (Wiyy) Have they said something? Um, not really have a big discussion. @42:43 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah. @42:44 - Peter (Wiyy) But I just feel it more than anything, I think. You know, I think it's more obvious. Yeah. How does that feel? @42:51 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) But we don't yell and scream at each other in front of other people. Well, Peter, you said there's a feeling you have, right? @42:58 - Peter (Wiyy) What's that feeling? What's You mean of what they're thinking? @43:04 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah, you you have like a feeling. @43:07 - Peter (Wiyy) What's that feeling? Yeah. I just feel like it's not hidden from them. I've never asked them, do you think mom and I are getting along or not getting along? I've never recall asking them that. @43:24 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Mm-hmm. @43:26 - Peter (Wiyy) I'm assuming they must have some idea. Maybe that's more of it. @43:30 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) I'm assuming they have some idea of that. Yeah. Well, you know what they say about me? I have kiddos, too. They're not as old as you, as your kids, but I mean, they say, you know, the kids, ultimately, they hear and they see everything, and you probably told people that as well. mean, so is it a crazy idea to think that they probably are picking up on it? @43:52 - Peter (Wiyy) No, I think they pick up on it. My secretary in my office is... My wife works or has worked in my office. @44:04 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) She's been the office manager, and I've been the yard manager almost since I bought the business. @44:12 - Peter (Wiyy) And then this lady's worked for us for, I would say, almost 18 years. And we have had small conversations about how we're not getting along or Diane's attitude or not communicating well. @44:30 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Yeah. Well, Peter, I mean, it seems like it's like you mentioned, there's a lot of people who are noticing it. seems like you're noticing it. @44:39 - Peter (Wiyy) Diane's noticing it. Secretary, kids, like a lot of people are noticing it. But what I would hate to do, right, just because I know like time is kind of coming to the end just a little bit here. @44:49 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) I don't want to end the conversation like on a negative note, right? But I would like to, if you're okay with it, but I would like to. That is have – we can finish this conversation on, and I can actually explain to you exactly what we do to help men who are exactly in your same situation based off of everything I talked about. And what I can do between this call and the next call is I can send you some resources that really hone down on what it is that you're saying and what – now that I know. And then this way, when we get on a call, you have a better understanding of who we are, what we do, but more importantly, probably get some more insight on – hello? @45:33 - Peter (Wiyy) Hello? Okay. @45:34 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) They'll help me get insight. I lost you for a second. no worries. The resource will help you get insight on exactly what is happening. @45:42 - Peter (Wiyy) Great. @45:42 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) That would be super. Yeah. @45:44 - Peter (Wiyy) Are you open to that? Yeah, absolutely. And then just so you know, tomorrow we leave to go – I've had prostate cancer and been treated down in Florida. So I leave tomorrow early in the morning, 8-ish. Thank you. And I won't be back until the 13th in the afternoon. Now, I'm not away from my phone, but I'm just with my wife, period, and then going to the doctor. So this next three days is probably not a good time for anything. @46:16 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) I mean, you can send it to me, and if it's time, I will certainly reach into it. Well, what I do have, just to let you know, mean, just because I have a call directly after this, but I do have a little bit of availability. What's your time zone right now? ACTION ITEM: Watch Matthew's texted resource; text Matthew when done - WATCH @46:32 - Peter (Wiyy) I'm in the Eastern standard. ACTION ITEM: Join follow-up call w/ Matthew via same Zoom link, Nov 10 3 pm ET - WATCH @46:34 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Eastern. Okay, so actually I have a call. have a little bit of opening at 3 p.m. @46:39 - Peter (Wiyy) Eastern time. @46:41 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Would you be able to watch that resource? Maybe not the whole thing, but the one I'm going to send you now, and then we can just hop on a call in about an hour and go over what we do as a shorter call. @46:52 - Peter (Wiyy) Okay, why don't we try and do that? And I will let you know that I've been able to. it. it. I'll it. I'll I'll I'll do @47:00 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Maybe I'll do – can I respond to your – what is it, a text or an email? Yeah, I would text. @47:05 - Peter (Wiyy) I would just do the text. @47:06 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) And then this way – here, let me actually text it to you now. Yeah, and this way you have a better understanding of even kind of more so your insight of what's going on with you. @47:15 - Peter (Wiyy) All right. That'd be great. Let's do that. @47:19 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) Let me do this now. Turn this over. There go. I just texted you it over. Now, listen, you don't have to go through the whole thing, but this is going to be a good resource for you just to get an insight on what's going on for you personally. And then at three, can finish our conversation, talk about what we do, and then talk about possible next steps. @47:56 - Peter (Wiyy) Super simple conversation. Sounds great. @48:00 - Matthew Cuevas (Beyond Driven) It'll be the same zoom link, okay? @48:01 - Peter (Wiyy) All right. Perfect. All right. See you, buddy. Okay. Thanks. Bye-bye.