The Great Time Question

I remember back when I was around 13 years old, all I wanted to do was play call of duty.

Homework? Screw that.

Studying for a test? Nah.

Chores? Get them done as fast as possible.

The only thing I was concerned with was enjoying the present moment and to fill it with as many AC-130 kill streaks as possible.

But somewhere along the line, around the age of 18, something changed…

The serotonin and dopamine went from short-term to long-term.

I lost interest in things that felt like a “waste of time” and became addicted to the concept of “productivity.”

Every. Waking. Minute. Focused. On. Work.

“Zero downtime.”

“Downtime means you’re losing.”

“Only losers relax.”

But I can now reflect back on those thoughts and realize they weren’t even mine.

I was just trying to embody a mindset similar to the people I thought were successful.

But at this point in my life, because of the people I surround myself with, I question everything…

What is successful?

What is productive?

And most importantly…

What the fuck is time?

I’m still in the process of trying to figure out the answers to these questions, I have some answers but they seem incomplete.

I remember someone saying to me once that intelligence is a burden, and I couldn’t agree more.

I really sometimes do wish I was a simple man born in Alabama with an IQ of 32 and never thought about these things.

But for some reason, trying to find the meaningful answers behind all of these questions is something I can’t stop even if I wanted to.

The other day I wrote about a lunch I had with my friend Jesse Elder…

He sent me a voice memo after I sent him a link to the post and the insights he shared have contributed to my partial understanding of the above questions.

Figured I would share with you.

Jesse said…

“You're so focused on building towards a bigger future, but there is no future, there's only now.

And while the future as a construct can inform your now, and help you to make better choices, I would challenge you to not think about sacrifice, and instead think about pleasure.

And I’m not talking about pure sensorial pleasure, just for the sake of feeling good. But really try to see what happens when you go into a deeper state of well-being, because not only does that feel good, but it’s good for you because it’s you being you.

There is no actual future, there’s just one long now chopped up into these arbitrary temporal pieces called time: Days. Weeks. Months. Years.

The better your now gets, the better your next must be.”

And then funny enough, my mentor Ron, who’s really good friends with Jesse commented on the post about Jesse with…

“It’s about time.

Or maybe it’s absolutely not about time.

Perhaps it’s about being.”

Now you guys see why I preach so heavily about having mentors and people in your life that are way further ahead than you.

A lot of what I’ve been thinking about since getting that audio message from Jesse is…

“What if I brought the level of joy and happiness that I had when running home from school to play call of duty…to my work?”

Because I do love my work…

I do love working out and waking up early…

I do love writing these posts…

But at times, I forget about the love and it instead feels like I’m being held hostage by all of these actions

As if I’m sacrificing my present moment for the future…

But is it really a sacrifice if you love it?

I don’t think so.