The Mirror

I think one of the most difficult concepts to accept is that other people’s behaviors towards you serve as a mirror to your own behavior.

There is no such thing as output without input.

If your girlfriend cheats on you, it was because of something you did or didn’t do.

Maybe your frame in the relationship was weak, maybe it’s karmic debt coming back around, maybe it’s your ignoring of constant red flags.

If your boss fires you from your job, it was because of something you did or didn’t do.

You didn’t work hard enough, you didn’t prove yourself to be an invaluable asset, and you said something you shouldn’t have said.

I look at the state of this country right now as one big mirror as well.

We wanted to allow this toxic “woke” ideology to keep growing and growing…

We continued to allow the worst parts of society to be highlighted through pop culture and then promoted pop culture…

We wanted everyone to feel special and understood, and as a result, look at the mess we’ve created.

The mirror is everything.

When you look in a physical mirror and you got a gut with some man tits (output), it’s because you failed to control your diet and didn’t hit the gym (input).

This is a physical example

The emotional mirror and trait-based mirror also shows up in our relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners…

I saw it pop up with my best friend Kyree yesterday over the most basic mundane crap.

My good friend Dimitri is in town staying with me, and I wanted to get the three of us together to enjoy some nice discussions, and so Kyree could finally meet him in person.

I got us reservations at this really nice steakhouse in Scottsdale at 5:30.

I text Kyree to let him know we were booked in, and I did tell him a few days ahead of time I was going to book in at that time.

He wanted to go at 7 PM, but that’s just too late for me.

I live about 35 minutes from the restaurant, so the driving alone is an hour, the service is an hour and a half to two hours with drinks, an appetizer, and the main course…

I’d be home by like 10 PM, would have eaten way later in the day than I’d like, and I would have gotten shit sleep for my 4 AM wake-up time.

So now he’s saying he can’t go because he’s busy, insisting he told me that, which to my knowledge I don’t remember him saying he was busy at that time.

Could I make a concession? Yes, I don’t want to do that though, because my routine is very important to me right now.

Could he make a concession? Yes, he didn’t want to do that though.

See the mirror?

I text him “Okay no worries, what’s your availability like on Tuesday”

He then sends me back a time frame but says “I’ll coordinate with Dimitri.”

And then proceeds to text Dimitri to make one on one plans after the dinner is done.

To me, that seemed like super passive-aggressive behavior, why are you trying to cut me out of plans?

So I just text him, “Go for it.”

Guess what?

That’s super passive-aggressive behavior on my part too.

Do you see the mirror?

I could have just said, “Hey man I’d like for the three of us to get together, let’s try and set our plans for that.”

But instead, I viewed what he was doing as annoying, so I chose to be annoying in my own way by not giving a shit and telling him to do whatever.

Truth is, he was playing poker and wasn’t thinking about the three of us getting together at all, he was just doing what made sense to him at that moment…

He wasn’t setting one on one plans out of spite of me.

This is such a dumb example, it feels like some bitch shit, but you have to look at these interactions to see the mirror and notice how you’re literally projecting your behaviors onto others and that’s causing internal strife inside of you.

It’s easy to brush it off and say it doesn’t matter, but it does matter.

I was being difficult, so it felt like he was being difficult.

I was being passive, so it felt like he was being passive.

I was probably annoying to him, so it felt like he was annoying to me.

You have to look in the mirror and see these flaws, otherwise, you’re just going to keep repeating the same behaviors which cause frustration for you over and over and over.

We had a phone call, the first part was ugly because we were both calling each other out on our shit.

But it settled once I saw I was doing the same thing I felt like he was doing, and I realized it was just a misinterpretation on his part.

I can’t speak for Kyree’s experience, maybe it was the same as mine, maybe it wasn’t.

Here’s the main point…

I do my best to make an effort to stop projecting my emotional BS onto others because most of the time I’m LITERALLY doing the same thing as them.

My friend, I hope you can see, you are no different.

I looked myself in that mirror and said, “You’re a hypocrite, do better.”

And just moved on from there.

Man, it’s difficult to own up to your crap, but you’ll be so much better if you do.