The Pendulum

As I’ve shared in some of my recent posts, a lot of questioning about my beliefs has come up for me recently.

I’ve been spending time by myself, not doing anything, not occupying the space with anything but my thoughts, and allowing myself to explore what comes up.

Car drives with no music or podcasts…

Thinking chair time with no phone and no laptop…

It’s honestly created quite a bit of confusion, but I’m okay with that.

I’ve observed a few different things about my person, and I’d like to share one with you, maybe you can relate, and hopefully, it'll create an interesting dialogue for you.

Title: The Pendulum

You have a tendency to sway back and forth between pendulums on far sides of the spectrum in an attempt to try and fix yourself on certain issues.

You went way too deep with smoking weed, dating non-stop, eating like an asshole, and fucking off constantly…

You hit rock bottom…

So you abandoned everything and went fully towards Orthodox Christianity…

You’re hitting the gym every day, you’re not even touching your dick, you cut out all substances, and you’re eating an extremely strict diet…

You start focusing on one girl and decide this is the one you’re going to build something with…

But then what happens?

She ended things and honestly, you should be extremely grateful because it kind of snapped you back into the middle.

Like hey nicky-poo, you don’t need to go be a man of faith and be mr. purpose all the time because you went a little too far to the other side of the pendulum.

It’s okay to chill out, it’s okay to make mistakes, it’s okay to explore relationships, and it’s okay to not be so hard on yourself all the time.

The only reason you hit rock bottom is that you had no control over yourself.

Are you really exhibiting self-control if you sway all the way to the other side of the spectrum?

Is it really self-control if this journey to the other side of the spectrum is based entirely on fear?

Don’t lie to yourself, you went that route because you wanted to not fuck your life up.

But are you really fucking your life up? Or did you just kind of get a little complacent and you tried to overcorrect that?

However, jumping all the way to the other side did help quite a bit.

Your obsessive nature helps you cover A LOT of ground FAST.

But recently what you’ve observed is all you were doing was doing the things you knew you should be doing…

However, previously your intent was based on fear.

What you’re now seeing is the pendulum settling towards the middle, and your intent is based more on pleasure.

The only difference is none of the pleasure is causing you to go backward or cover up how you feel.

You found Orthodox Christianity to be absolutely beautiful and filled with deep meaning, it’s one of your favorite parts of the week.

You’ve really fallen in love with the gym and the feeling you get during an amazing pump, and you lost 19 pounds.

You’ve completely quit porn and weed, two vices that you knew had full control over you.

You exited a business partnership that you didn’t like and drew a line in the sand on who you will and will not work with.

So don’t view the pendulum jump from one side to the other as something that’s negative, it’s just how you go about finding balance.

Just like when you’re at the gym, you try a weight and it’s too light…

But then you go too heavy…

You find out what’s in the middle and use that for the next set.

Life is no different.