Which Voice?

I woke up this morning and during my cup of coffee I let out a long sigh.

It wasn’t a sigh of relief.

It was a sigh of disappointment.

The internal conversation went a little something like this…

“The fuck dude? Are you serious? You have a couple of good weeks and suddenly you think you’ve ARRIVED?”

My coffee tasted extra bitter.

“How the fuck are you going to start slacking now?”

“I’ve stayed consistent in the gym and with the diet this week…”

“Did you stay consistent in all areas?”

“No”

“Then it doesn’t matter. What are you trying to create?”

“A consistent man.”

“Is a truly consistent man consistent in some areas or all areas?”

“All areas.”

“So stop fucking around, stop taking your foot off the gas, and do the things you KNOW you need to be doing.”

I hadn’t prayed in the last few days and hadn’t journaled in the morning either, I also missed my 4 AM wake-up a few times.

I broke my routine, maybe it was because my dog bit my face and it threw me off.

I’m not sure.

Not a good excuse.

It’s always the same pattern, one thing leads to another, and then I’m breaking the routine consistently.

I don’t like when I do that.

It makes me feel bad.

I’ve explored this belief, why does it make me feel bad?

Is it because someone told me something that I’ve programmed into my mind?

Maybe.

What comes up more powerfully for me is that it doesn’t line up with the person I’m trying to become.

How can I lead men if I’m not effectively leading myself?

Then there’s this other voice…

“Come on Nick, go easy on yourself.”

I don’t like that voice.

He always shows up a little…

Then starts to show up more…

And then all of a sudden he’s running the show…

His show sucks.

I’m not happy when his show is on.

I’m happy when the other Nick’s show is on, the Nick who actually calls me out on my shit.

He doesn’t give me an inch, he wants consistency and he wants commitment.

It’s the version of me that energetically feels so much more powerful.

“Step up. You fell off for a few days, stop being a bitch, get back on the path, and let’s go. You with me?”

I smiled before my last sip of coffee.

Growth just tastes so good.